Sometimes I go back and read my old posts to remember how I was feeling before all this happened. I came across this one....How ironic and strange and crazy is this???
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Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Adoption.....maybe...maybe not.....
Have you ever just been pulled towards something....something for your future-something that you feel so strongly about-but yet you can't figure out why exactly? Thats me......about Adoption. Since I was dating Mike and we talked about getting married and kids-I've thought about adoption and how much I would love to adopt a child one day. Its strange for me. Coming from a family of fertile myrtles I never thought we would have any trouble TTC. But now that we are the thought has been more and more on my mind. Its to the point where i wonder what he or she will look like-what the mother will look like-where they will be from......IT'S CRAZY!! Yet I feel so strongly about it.......I don't know-maybe i'm crazy and just assuming that we will never get pg on our own-and it will be our only option. But I can't help researching adoption agencies and wanting so badly to request information from them. But I know I need to wait. All in God's time....that's what I have to tell myself.....I'll know when its right...and God will tell me. Mike is by no means against adoption. But he wants to exhaust all TTC methods first. Me-if we can't get pg on our own.....I want to jump right to adoption. :) It's crazy...sometimes I'm the more pushy one :)
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3 comments:
Erin,
I just clicked on to your site from Rachel's. I was in your exact position 28 months ago. My DH's first SA showed 5 sperm, 4 dead and one twitching. Subsequent SAs showed NONE. I tell you this to give you hope. Thanks to a miracle from God (and IVF with ICSI) we have a beautiful son who turned One last Sunday.
Never give up hope that you will have your family. It might not be the way you planned or the family you planned, but it will be as God has planned.
I wish I could just reach through the internet and give you and your DH a hug (even though I don't know you). I feel your pain (ok, now I'm crying) as if it were my own all over again. I'm so sorry you're hurting.
You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
Erin,
Same here found you from Rachel's blog. I too am the wife of someone without sperm and to type those words are still hard. I don't have an amazing story of hope but i do have an amazing story of grace. God knows i am not one to take this situation lightly and to even handle it with care. I was so bitter and angry back in january when we found all of this out. What did we do wrong? We go to church, involved in ministries and do everything we are supposed to do. WHY US??? I can't say it's all right now because it's not. Some days are better than others. It's almost more than not now. On those days when I'm angry and frustrated all I can do is think about those who dealt with this without God and praise him for giving me grace. His hand has been in every part of this experience. I'm not sure what his plan is for us. We recently did a biopsy and yet again 0 sperm. I was crushed but He held me that day. He carried me through that storm and I know that He is faithful to carry you too. Cry out to Him acknowledge your pain, anger and frustration. He gave you those emotions. Take them to Him. It's the only way to deal with it. Until then...it's ok to be angry! You have every right!
If you need to shoot back at me about anything do it! I've walked in your shoes and I don't mind sharing with you. I'm great at listening!
www.bpbrumley.blogspot.com
You will be in my prayers!
Paige
Erin, My sister is Rachel and called me crying over you news the other day. I got off the phone with her and just held your name up to our loving God b.c I could not even BEGIN to fathom how you are feeling.
Sorry is like a pointless thing to say, b.c obviously it does nothing...but my heart does grieve for you.
I am and will be praying for your sad hearts! We serve and love a wonderful God and I will plead on your behalf for his healing to be quick and merciful!
melissa
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