Lord Give Me Strength

I hate feeling this way! Feeling like part of me has died. Feeling like part of my husband has died. I feel like crawling into a hole and not coming out for a very long time. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I'm Pissed! I want to know why!!?!?!?! Why us? Why do we have to go through this!?!?! I know we will never have that answer, but for some reason God has chosen us to go through this. Maybe its a test, maybe its just a road block, I don't know-but regardless I'm angry-and I don't like being angry.

Mike to be expected is very down. I think we needed today off almost more than yesterday. It's like today is harder than it was yesterday almost. I cried right when I woke up...and Mike just held me. And I cried more. It's not fair!! It's so not fair!!

I got to work today and I was greeted by a voicemail from our HD here. She wanted to know if Mike and I would consider bing HD's here on campus. My first thought was maybe...it would be a good opportunity-and great money! No housing costs-heck yea! So I texted Mike...he is less than thrilled about the idea. He said its just to much to soon. To much stress and to many decisions. I completely agree-but i know this option won't come up again anytime soon. I want to at least think about it-he's not so sure.

We need strength. We need prayer, we need guidance, we need support. We are so lost right now. So lost, so frustrated, so hurt. I want to tell so many people, but I don't want to tell anyone at the same time. I don't know what to say. I see babies all over and I wonder if I'll ever have one. I see pregnant women and I know i will never be one. I see dad's walking next to there kids on the bike and I hope and pray that one day Mike will get that.

"Lord give me strength to get through this."