Not such a Good Day

I'm truly jumping on the infertile wagon. At least I feel that way. :( I cried and cried and cried some more last night.

First of all...my Dr. is amazing. Very kind...very compassionate...very determined to help me. There wasn't much of an exam-just mostly health history....and a lot of talking about me-and my pain-and different issues. But as I suspected...he's about 99% positive that I do have endo. I wasn't to surprised when he told me...but hearing a dr. say it-was kinda tough. I have a lap scheduled for the July 21st. He didnt' want to guess what stage it was....since he didn't want to worry me or give me false hope-but he said a lap was necessary. He suspects that its a bit more advanced based on my age and our length of TTC. I guess we'll see what he finds.
We also talked about Mike. And his health history. His first step-get a SA done. I was hesitant to even talk to Mike about it. Not that he wouldn't do it-but we've talked about it before-and I know it would be such a cut to his ego if there was anything wrong with him. Obviously I wouldn't hold it against him...I LOVE HIM and we'll get through it-but I know it would be hard on him. When I talked to him last night-he was actually much more calm about it then I thought he would be. I was kinda nervous to bring it up-but he said since you have to be cut open-I can do this. So in the next few weeks I've got to make that appt. Our schedules are so tough right now-and since he has to go to Fargo to have it done-that makes it all the more difficult. But it needs to be done-so we'll figure something out. Hopefully it will be done relatively close to by Lap..so we can get all the results within the same week or so.

Part of me really thinks that we do have MF. It would make sense since he was a premie..and he did have the issues when he was born...so it would make sense..I just hope its not as bad as it could be-if that truly is the problem. I was very bitter yesterday. Very bitter for the first time. I cried and cried and Mike just held me. I told him how broken I feel and how all I want to do is have a baby-why is that so hard!?!?!?! He just held me. It was not an easy night by any means. I fell asleep in his arms...crying.