My heart hearts it aches...it's falling apart and crumbling into small pieces. Some people talk to me and say-we'll you seem pretty happy and upbeat so you must be taking the news pretty well. Really? I am...well its ALL AN ACT. Because on the inside I'm dying. I woke up this morning thinking it was going to be a good day. I only work until noon and then I'm off to Fargo to meet someone who used to be in my position who is going to give me a few ideas on some events she used to coordinate. I'm going to do a bit of shopping and then stop and say hi to Dana-since I have not seen her for awhile and her birthday is on Monday. I thought....today is going to be a good day! But I got to work checked my email....and logged on to facebook...and there it was....a classmate of mine had a beatiful baby girl last night. It hit me all over again. I'm never going to have that. I know we will have our own excitement of adoption and I will love that baby with all my heart-I ALREADY DO....but it's different and anyone dealing with IF who's chose to go the adoption route knows what I mean.
So while some people say-your holding up pretty well...don't let the smile fool you. On the inside I feel like dying but I'm slowly picking up the pieces in hopes one day it will be whole again....but I don't think it will be until I hold my sweet baby in my arms for the first time.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment