Our Plan

Or lack there of....or kind of plan...or whatever-I guess it's "kind of" a plan...

Mike and I have talked a lot -about all of the different options. We are in such a tough spot and we really don't know what to do. But regardless-this is where we are at....

Mike is unsure about having the surgery-for a few reasons-but this being the main point-it more than likely isn't going to work. We will be taking a pretty big chance and just kind of HOPING that it will work. For the simple fact that the dr. gave us significantly less than a 50% chance of conceiving has just made us really wonder if this is just the way its is supposed to be. (I've gotten a lot of crap for saying that-so please remember-this is my blog-and I'm entitled to feel the way I do...hence why I'm writing it.) And even if it does allow for the sperm to make it through...we have no idea what the motility, morph or count will even be. More than likely at least 1 if not all 3 will be effected.

Here's the next dilemma....the emotional strain/rollercoaster that this will cause. We were told 2 months ago that we couldn't have kids. So we've been dealing with that-but really started to get excited about adoption. Yes we are still dealing with the anger, frustration, and sadness of infertility, but adoption was really becoming exciting to us. We had begun researching agencies, and grants, etc. And it was something that we were excited about-not to mention HAPPY about! Now with this-it's like it gives us some hope again...hope that we had taken away...hope that we rely on-and then live month to month again wondering if this is the month that we get pregnant. Neither one of us really knows if we want to basically feel like we are starting TTC all over again! It's such a rollercoaster when you know from the get go that the odds are against us.

But that brings me back to "the plan." Mike will more than likely go ahead with the surgery-at least as of now. The scheduler actually called us today and it may not be as long of a wait as we thought..but its still gonna be a little while. She said we could do it at the end of the month....but Mike needs more notice for work since he'll be out for about a week. So we're thinking October or November. But that's gives us time to think about it-and if we change our mind-we change our mind....BUT-in the meantime-we are going ahead with adoption. We will continue researching agencies and requesting info...etc. This way-since we're looking at probably at least the end of the year before we would know the surgery worked (via SA) we don't just sit back and waste the time. Neither Mike nor I are ones who can just sit back and do nothing nor do we want to have faith in false hope. We want to feel productive and we want to feel like we are moving closer to becoming parents.

So that's the plan...