I'm not even going to deny it. I'm angry. I'm SO ANGRY! Why us? Why!?!?! What did we do to deserve this? I'm so hurt and confused and frustrated! I want someone to give me one good reason why it is so hard for us to become parents. I feel like we are being punished for something! But yet-I don't know what!
Everyone that knows about our IF has told us that we'll be great parents one day! That's great-but how come people who can become great parents can't have a baby-but the meth addicted stripper, or the mom who drinks her entire pregnancy, just to have a baby that will grow up in a neglectful and/or abusive home can have one without any trouble! I just don't get it!!!
I WANT ANSWERS!! And if one more person tells me-Just adopt then you will get pregnant for sure! I will probably come completely unglued. I mean if by a miracle that happened-fine-we would be beyond thrilled-but honestly-that is NOT something you tell someone when they are going through such a rollercoaster of emotions!
Today is just a hard day-a very hard, very bad day.
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9 comments:
I found your blog through Rachel's (maydaygirl) and my wife and I are battling IF too. All I want to say is that we will be praying for you, and that you will experience God's peace in a new and awesome way.
I am so, so sorry that you guys are going through this...I don't really know what to say other than that.
I'm here praying so hard for you both, for the strength you'll need to get through this and for a beautiful outcome...whether it be expieriencing your own pregnancy or adoption.
I know exactly what you're feeling, I have so much anger sometimes. It just sucks and is so unfair!!!!! I just don't get it, what did we do? If I hear one more of DH's nephews got someone pregnant I am going to throw up!
You're in my prayers. (((((HUGS)))))
I know just that angry feeling. I wish I had an answer for you but I don't. It's okay to be angry. ((HUGS)) I will keep you and your DH in my prayers.
You have every right to feel angry. This process is just horrible and unfair in every way.
Hi Erin, you don't me, but I read a little about you from what maydaygirl posted when your first SA results came back. I am so sorry for what you guys are going through. My husband and I are awaiting testing right now for IF, and for sure it sucks so bad. I have cried for you the few times I have read your blog and I weep for the sadness you are feeling. At the same time the selfish side of me, fears that when DH and I go for testing that we will get the same results as you. That will be a really hard pill to swallow! I just wanted you to know that someone out thinks of you and prays for you and understands how hard all of this is. It really isn't fair and I have been over this so many times in my head when I see some hugely pregnant girl smoking (which I saw yesterday!!!! AAAHHHHH, I wanted to smack her) and everytime I question God about Why? Why is it that I would make such a great mom and here there are people who don't even want kids and abuse their children and they can't seem to not get pregnant? Recently I had kind of a big realization, and honestly it makes me feel better to think of this. I thought that there are so many children out there without loving parents and maybe God knows that I would make a great mom, and maybe he knows I would be so good of a mom that he is leading me to a child that is unwanted. I thought that if I got pregnant on my own, I would never adopt, and God knows that, therefore the reason I can't conceive is because God needs me to take care of (and be the mom) to some poor child that needs me. Obviously that is a really good way to help me deal with my emotions over IF, but just thought I would share. I'm sorry if my opinions upset you, and please know that you and your husband are in my prayers.
Kat
A paraphrased verse from The Bible for you as a reminder:
"Whenever your perspective on something creates emotional pain, Erin, it's always because your perspective is still so narrow that you've yet to see all the good it will make possible."
Because it will...with time, it will.
Erin- I understand your frustration all too well, been there myself. Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. I work in an Early Childhood facility. I see situations ALL THE TIME and wonder "WHY THEM"? I could allow that question to destroy me. Instead, I rely on my faith. We have been waiting a long time to start a family - it's maddening at times. But, we know someday it will all make sense. Hang in there. God is good and He is faithful. Ever need to vent - shoot away! I totally get it!
Hugs, Pep
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