A POSSIBLE MATCH!!!

A POSSIBLE MATCH!!!!

In my previous post I mentioned something about how a GREAT thing happened the last week of 2008. I hesitated to blog about it...but have decided to do it. It is none the less part of our journey to our baby...so I feel that it is only appropriate that I "write" it down to remember every step of the way. So yes....you read that correctly-we have a POSSIBLE match.

Any of you have been following my blog know that we have yet to send in all of our paperwork for the agency, but have rather been enjoying our time together and looking forward to the year ahead and all that it will hold. So you may be asking...HOW CAN THIS BE!?! Trust me-I've asked myself that question many many times.

This is what we know:

A friend of ours whom we will call "T" approached my husband about 2 weeks ago and said she had been thinking of us for a few days....a co-worker of her husband was in a bind. Her daughter who is 20 years old is pregnant and wants to give the baby up for adoption. She had moved across the country not long after highschool...and as "T" put it...made a few bad choices, and is now pregnant. Knowing that abortion was not an option, she swallowed her pride and called her mother for help. Her mother immediately told her to come home and welcomed her with open arms. "T" after talking about the situation for quite sometime told her that there are many many couples in the world who are waiting to adopt and that she would get the names of a few good agencies...since obviously we had researched several. Her daughter is hesitant to use an agency for several reasons, and the grandmother mentioned that. She said that her daughter would much rather not use an agency, but rather just a lawyer. Immediately "T" thought of us..but didn't want to say anything until she got the OK from us. So she talked to Mike at work the next day. OF COURSE WE SAID TELL HER ABOUT US!!! So the next day she saw BM and grandma....and told her about us. BM was VERY EXCITED. She said she was so glad to hear about us. And that she knows she can't keep this baby and she can't expect her mother to help....AND THAT SHE WANTS TO MEET US! My heart leaped out of my chest when I heard "T" say those words.

BM said first though she wants to finish her counseling that she has put herself in. While she knows that adoption is the path for her she needs to know that all of the emotions she is feeling right now are totally normal and she needs to get some of those thing off of her chest first. Which I'm really glad she is. Through a lot of the reading I"ve done....every book says that counseling is best for birthmothers. We wouldn't even go with an agency that didn't provide counseling to the birth moms....we think its very important.

So the birthmother said that she wants to meet with us...after a few more weeks of counseling. But she kept saying over and over how excited she was to meet us. When Mike called to tell me I was shaking. Crying, smiling, laughing...EVERYTHING. COULD THIS REALLY BE HAPPENING!!!! She's around 12-13 weeks along-and due mid July.

Of course in my mind I'm trying to let myself get attached...but if any of you have been through this you know its hard not to get excited and attached in some way. But again, we know that this might not work out and she may not choose us, or she may decide to parent herself...but at the moment-we have hope-and we have a POSSIBLE MATCH! The situation itself PERFECT!!! It would require no travel, she would like a semi-open adoption, with pictures and letters. (She plans on flying back to the state she moved to after the baby is born.) Again-a PERFECT situation...I just hope its not too perfect.

Since we've started the adoption process I've been praying for our birthmother. Praying for her to make the right decisions for her health and her babies health, and for strength, and for her to have acceptance for what God wants her to do. I know God is hearing my prayers...now the question is-is this the birthmom I've been praying for???

Goodbye 2008...Hello 2009!

Now that 2008 is gone....I can honestly say that it was probably the worst year of my life. Every year I start the new year with such high hopes that it will be a great year of many happy exciting things...but in 2008 I can honestly say-nothing great wonderful and exciting sticks out in my mind...except for one thing last week-and we will touch more on that in a later post. Obviously there were good things that happened-and I'm not saying nothing good happened-but for the most part it wasn't a good year.


But with that said we have decided that 2009 is going to be a great year. We are buying a house in the next few months....and starting the adoption process in the spring-and maybe, hopefully adopting our first child. It has to be a good year with all of those things happening! DOESN'T IT?!?!?! Yes it does! I'm not allowing myself to think that 2009 could be as bad as 2008. Since I'm putting 2008 to rest....I will say it was terrible, awful, and stressful, and nothing could have made it worse...so 2009 is sure to be a GREAT YEAR!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

OK....so first off....MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! Christmas is truly my most favorite time of year. I love it! However, I will say that this year it has seemed as though Christmas has come and gone and it doesn't seem like I really knew it was here. But it is...and I do really enjoy the Holiday Season. This year however, there has been a damper on the typical Holiday feelings....We are going to a funeral tomorrow for Mike's aunt. She passed away on Monday-and the funeral is tomorrow. With his dad passing away 6 years ago at the same age....it's been a rough week for him. But-he's done his best to put on a happy face for me-although I know he's very very sad on the inside. He was very excited to give me my present this morning.....and after I opened it-I was very glad to have received it. My beautiful diamond necklace-totally made me cry like a baby. It is SO BEAUTIFUL! So while I remember that this holiday season is not about the presents-but more about the love.....I remember over and over again-how much I truly love my husband. He is the most amazing man I know.

Greetings from the Arctic....and other ramblings...

At least thats where it feels like I am...BRRRRR!!!! We got the worst storm in 10 years over the weekend. Complete with 9 inches of snow-40 mile an hour winds and temperatures creeping to -50 with the windchill...BRR!!!! IT IS FREEZING!!! But with that I will say this....

This weekend gave me a perfect opportunity to do some cleaning, baking, wrapping of Christmas presents and spending some time with my husband. It was a good weekend-minus the weather-but everyone loves a good snow storm once in awhile. :)

There really aren't to many exciting things going on in the life of Erin right now. And for a change-I'm TOTALLY OK WITH THAT. I think thats what this "Break" is really about for Mike and I. MANY MANY MANY people have asked us why we don't just "jump right in" to adoption. Yea-if it were really that easy! I'll just start right up....no worries right.??? There isn't any emotional baggage that comes along with it. There isn't the fear of the failed matches that we will more than likely experience, there isn't the fear of how we are going to pay for all of this, I don't have the thoughts of...what if we're lucky and blessed and placed right away-and don't hae anything ready for the baby...and then with the same breath I say to myself what if we are waiting for a year or longer for our little one. YES-with all of those things running through my head-I will just jump right into adoption.

Here is the thing...adoption isn't an easy journey. Now to many people-they would think well duh. Of course its not easy. But to others..they will give you this dumbfounded look like-what? You mean it's not like filling out a few pieces of paper like when you adopt a puppy from the humane society? Seriously! I wish I could scream at the top of my lungs that adoption is a LONG HARD JOURNEY. One that will not come easy to us. But we are willing to walk into this journey hand in hand and God by our sides and no that our baby will be waiting for us at the end of it. So many people say-you can't have a kid-so what..just adopt. Well if it were that easy-why don't you "just adopt." Cause really...everyone would do it if it were that easy. Truth be told adoption is just as much of a rollercoaster as IF is. There will be the ups the down, the "endless 2WW" and the joyous day of find out you have been matched. But until then...please don't tell me to "just adopt."

So yes-this break period before has been really good for us. It's the calm before the storm so to speak. Beacause we know once this all starts....its going to be one heck of a ride! One that will be long, sometimes painful, sometimes frustrating, angering, saddening, and scary. But we know this-and we know that in God's time our little baby will be handed to us in a little pink or blue blanket...and we will love that baby because that baby is ours.

On Days Like Today...

When everyone around me seems to be on a mission of annoying me....there is only one thing that will make me feel better....

Baby Shopping.... :)

Must go....TONIGHT! :)

There is one coworker-seems to be a Pompass A**. I don't get frustrated really easily with coworkers-cause really I do love my job. I'm very lucky to be able to say that-but this guy speaks and I would rather listen to nails on a chalk board. Then my to-do list keeps getting longer....and really I"m just a bit overwhelmed...not to mention when you have pneumonia and you are antibiotics and predisone....I'm just asking for it. Predisone is a killer! It's awful!!! I HATE IT!!!!

Ok...rant over...off to look at baby stuff online....then maybe I'll go buy a little something tonight when I go Christmas shopping.

Thinking about it already makes me feel better....Ahhhh.....

Strength from Above

Days like today-are days that I relish. It's days like today where I look at my future and am so excited about all the things are going to happen. It's days like today where I look at myself and say how blessed I am, and how lucky I am to be where I am in life. It's days like today when I get up in the morning and look at my husband and fall in love with him all over again...and know that I love him more than I did the night before.

How do I get days like today when its seems as though my life has been filled with sadness, anger, frustration, hurt, and cold, harsh comments-things that can totally break a girl down? There is one way and one way only-and that is by knowing that the strength to have these days and to realize that I'm having one of these days is coming from Above. I know in my heart of hearts and I can feel it in my soul that God has given me the strength to get out of bed every morning for the last 4 and half months and say that there are BIG things in my future...and there is a baby out there for me-somewhere.

I feel as though today-is a new day..and the start to a whole new part of my life. I look at our infertility and know that it is something that we HAD to go through. Why...I think it was
for 4 main reasons.

1. To realize that power and will of God, is stronger than anything I could ever have imagined.
2. To realize that God knows what is best for us
3. To know just how much I love my husband and how I truly know now that our marriage can get through ANYTHING
4. That my faith is stronger than I ever imagined it to be.

Of course I could add to that list...but when I think about the things that I have realized since July 20th 2008 when we first got our diagnosis, those 4 things stand out in my mind. I know we will have days that are hard, and that hearing the pregnancy announcements, and seeing all of the babies around us-will be hard at times, and I know that God is allowing me to have those days for a reason. I truly believe that when I hold our baby for the first time-the joy I will have...will make all of that pain seem so minimal. And I will look back on this journey and say-it was worth it-every step, every penny, every tear, every prayer...made it all so worth it.

And I know that there is only one way that I could truly feel this way today...and this is by the strength that I'm receiving from Above. God has truly blessed me in my life...and I know the blessings will continue to fall from Above..becasue there truly is no other place they could come from.

What NOT TO SAY....

To a woman who just found out that she will never be able to have a baby....

"Well pregnancy has a lot of con's....so really-you're not missing out on anything."

Um...coming from someone who has had a baby....I really don't think you can honestly say that I'm not missing out on anything. Seriously! Who says that kind of thing.

Luckily-it was said on a good day....and I just kind of blew it off-but WHO SAYS THAT?!!?!!