tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18482866794243219052024-03-21T16:49:11.853-05:00Waiting for His TimeFor I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.comBlogger178125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-24273631860818439872010-07-21T08:04:00.002-05:002010-07-21T08:16:07.663-05:002 Years Ago Today....I've been thinking about how to continue this blog-and if I even would continue it after we met our beautiful little boy. It's purpose when I started was to get "down on paper" all that I was feeling when it came to our struggle to build our family. Now that our beautiful little boy is in our life-it seems as though the purpose is over....well maybe the original purpose. Now I think its going to take on a new roll of how we are doing as a family...now a family of 3 (and 2 furry family members as well.) <br /><br />Yesterday when I was talking on the phone to a sweet friend of mine who is pregnant with her first...we were talking about infertility a bit and how I tried my hardest to not let it take over my life. I tried to continue my life as normal-or as normal as it could be. To me infertility wasn't going to win. I would be a mom-I knew that was God's plan for me-just how was going to be a little bit different. While we were talking I was thinking back about the day Mike and I found out we would never have a biological child of our own. (Please note-as Oprah once said-"Biology is the least of which makes you a mother.") I was remembering that day and how it was filled with so much sadness-and then it popped into my head-it was 2 years ago-to the date that we had found out about our infertility. At that moment I looked down at my beautiful little boy who was sleeping in my arms and I told her-that none of what I went through mattered because of how blessed we are with Jeremiah. I would go through all of those feelings again in a heartbeat to get him. The hurt, the anger, frustration, confusion, emptiness-all of it-WORTH IT! He is by far the best thing that has ever happened to us. <br /><br />2 years ago today-I thought our lives were over....but in reality that was God's way of closing a chapter in our lives and starting a new one. A new chapter on adoption-one that is going to be open for a long time-as we continue to build our family this way. <br /><br />So-as I remember that day-I do feel a bit of sadness in my heart because I remember how much sadness we felt-but then I look at it and tell God thank you...without that day-we would never have been given the most amazing gift of all....our son.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-82553846359434749532010-02-05T10:02:00.003-06:002010-02-05T10:54:55.281-06:00Jeremiah Paul....Part IIII'm sorry-life is crazy busy right now...but here is the final excerpt to Jeremiah's "entrance" into our lives. <br /><br />We were driving to Florida-it was about a 5 hour drive from where he had flown into. Traffic was horrible...and all I could think about was why weren't we called and is this a sign of what is to come-i.e BM will change her mind. Eventually around 9:00 after we had been in the car for a few hours and I realized that we weren't going to get to FL until about 1:00 am if not a little later-I called J. I asked her what we were supposed to do...go right to the hospital-or wait until morning. Of course I wanted to go-but we hadn't met "E" yet-and I didn't know if Jeremiah would be in the room with her or in the nursery or what. She said to wait until morning-that E's social worker would meet us there first thing. Ok....so we drove...the LONGEST drive EVER. We got to our hotel in FL at about 1:30 in the morning...unpacked a bit....and crashed. I was surprised-I slept-but I did-hard. I was emotionally drained...but I woke up early the next morning-waited for E's social worker to call me. <br /><br />She called and said she would meet us at the hospital at 10:00...perfect...Mike and I got to the hospital a bit before we had picked up a bouquet of flowers for E and we waited....and waited..and waited...and her social worker walked in at 10:45!!! 45 minutes late-and acted like it wasn't a big deal!!! UM-WE ARE MEETING OUR SON...COULD YOU AT LEAST TRY AND BE ON TIME!!! (I didn't say it-but wanted to). She gave me some crazy excuse and we got in the elevator. We got to the L&D suites. My heart was pounding. Jeremiah was in the room with "E". "L"-the social worker turned to us and said-as much as this is emotional-focus on "E" not you or the baby. Ok-don't misunderstand-I know this is about her...but I'm about to meet my son for the first time-and you are telling me to not focus on that...WHAT!?!!? UGH! So in we went....E was in bed watching TV and Jeremiah was sleeping in his bassinet. <br /><br />We looked at "E" and my eyes started to fill with tears. I didn't know what to say-or how to act. We had talked on the phone many many times-but seeing her was different. "E" picked up Jeremiah-and held him for a few minutes....I didn't ask to hold him-I wanted her to give him to me when she was ready. She started talking to us...and after a few minutes-it was like we had known her forever. "L" was there for a bit-and "E" handed Jeremiah to "L" who then handed him to me....and I immediately started crying. I looked down at this beautiful baby boy and couldn't believe that he was finally here. I remember asking "E" if I could take his hat off...and she looked at me and said "hun-he's your baby...you can do whatever you want!" I took off his little hat-and there in front of me was thick black curly hair....LOTS OF HAIR!!! I couldn't believe it! I just stared at him....he eventually woke up a bit and just stared at me. After a bit I handed him to Mike-who of course started crying as well...he was holding his son....the one he had waited for for SO LONG. <br /><br />After a bit-"E" went for a walk around the hospital and left us alone with Jeremiah...and then the tears started flowing. I cried and cried and just held that little boy in my arms and just told him how much I loved him. He looked at me with his big brown eyes and I said...."I'm your mommy." The amount of love I had for him was unbelievable. I didn't know it was possible to love someone SO MUCH SO FAST!! But I did. <br /><br />We got to spend the entire day with "E" in the hospital. Talking with her-getting to know her better-taking lots and lots of pictures with her and Jeremiah together. It was so wonderful to spend that time with her. We talked about her other children and her family. She is so amazing! I love her so much!!!<br /><br />After her social worker left...the entire story about her L&D came out. Here's a brief summary:<br /><br />Friday night-her contractions started-about every 45 minutes apart. Nothing to be to excited about. She went to bed-woke up on Saturday-they were about every 20-30 minutes apart-again nothing to exciting. She had called her SW on Friday to let her know that she was having contractions because in case anything happened during the night-her SW had agreed to come and pick her up and drive her to the hospital. Sat. morning she called and told her SW that they were 20-30 minutes apart-and she would keep her posted-if they got any closer throughout the day. At 2:00 on the dot-they hit every 5 minutes....so she knew it was time. She called her SW to ask her to come get her-and her SW told her to call her dr. "E" was pissed. She knew it was time to go-and her SW said she had stuff going on-so that she should call her dr. to make sure he wanted her to come in right away. ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!!!!!!! UGH!! I'm fuming as she's telling me this. (Mind you...we still haven't been called or told she is having contractions-even though-"E" wanted me there for L&D)<br /><br />E gets ahold of her dr. her dr. says YES-COME IN-NOW! (Her previous labor was 5 hours...so he knew she didn't have much time.) By this time its shortly before 3:00. She calls her social worker 5 times....and SHE DOESN'T ANSWER!!! WHO DOES THAT?!?! So at 4:00 she calls a cab. "E" gets in the cab-gets to the hospital at 4:20 and Jeremiah was born at 4:32. Yes-he was a stoplight away from being born in a cab! "E" social worker didn't even get to the hospital unti 6:45 that night-Jeremiah was 2 hours old. So not only did she take a cab to the hospital...but she was lone during Delivery. BROKE MY HEART-and let me tell you-I WAS NOT HAPPY! "E" had called her oldest daughter to tell her that he had been born-around 5:30. Hence why when I called her house-we were told he had already been born. When we got the call from "J" that he had been born-that was because her social worker had just gotten to the hospital and confirmed that-yes indeed he was here. She told us all of that after her SW left. My mind was racing and I was so irritated. They made her feel like she was nothing and not important! I was NOT IMPRESSED AT ALL. <br /> Fast forward...<br /><br />After we were there most of the day-we told her we were going to let her get some rest and I wanted her to spend time with Jeremiah. I wanted her to take the time she needed with him. She had told me that hindsight-since I wasn't there for the delivery-it was kind of good for her because she was able to spend the night with him and tell him everything she needed to say. She said she knew he didn't understand-but it gave her peace. So for that-I'm grateful. God works in mysterious ways-and he knew what "E" needed-and so he provided her with that time. Am I said I missed the birth of my son-Absolutely-but am I grateful that she got that time with him-DEFINITELY. I wouldn't take that time away from her at all. <br /><br />We left around 4:30-and we told her we would come back around 6:30 and bring her dinner. By this time our SW and the director of the agency had called and said they were going to be there at 8:00. (That was after they were supposed to be there at 2:00 and called at 4:15 and said they were coming at 8:00 instead.) So we left-went and did some shopping for food for the week and went back to the hotel...made a few phone calls. We went back to the hospital around 6:30-and "E" decided what she wanted for supper. Mike went to get it and "E" and I got some time together. It was really nice-we talked a lot-and she kept telling me how grateful she was for us. (SERIOUSLY!AMAZING!!) After a bit Mike came back and soon the Dir of the agency and our social worker came in. The dir. brought with her 13 year old son...WEIRD and he proceeded to eat most of "E" dinner...RUDE! Ugh-that was rude in and of itself...but whatever. After they left "E" said-was it weird to you-that he came with? Umm...yes-definitely. <br /><br />We said our goodbyes shortly after-the dir. of the agency told us that papers would be signed at 10:00 am the next morning. So...we left after kissing our little one goodbye and hugging "E". We told her we would be back in the morning-and we could bring her breakfast-since she has stated hospital food-was terrible. We got to the hospital at 9:30..."E" had been moved. (Minor panic attack-when we get to her old room and its empty!) They directed us to her new room-we went down there and talked with her for a bit. We had about 20 minutes before they were supposed to be there to sign the papers. We talked with "E" for awhile-and told her how much we loved her and that Jeremiah was ALWAYS going to know about her and how much she loved him. We gave her the diamond necklace that we had bought her-and for the first time since we had met her-she started to cry a bit. Not much...but a little-very rarely did she show emotion-instead-she kept me strong...because she knew-my heart was breaking for her-while it was bursting for joy at the same time. <br /><br />This is when the day goes down hill.....<br /><br />Jeremiah hadn't been circumsized yet. The dr. had come up earlier in the morning...but couldn't do it because Mike and I weren't there to sign off on the procedure since our ins. would cover it etc. (legalities legalities.) So they told us that he would come back around noon to do it-sounds good. The nurse told "E" that even though papers were going to be signed-she could stay at the hospital until Jeremiah was discharged if she wanted...PERFECT!<br /><br />10:00 rolls around...they aren't there yet....11:00...nothing....finally I call-they said they are running a little behind-but they will be there shortly. I said ok-well he is going to be circumsized shortly-and then he has to stay for 3 hours after. So "E" wants to leave the same time he does. So that would be around 3:30. Her social worker said-oh...let me call you back. Keep in mind-that knowing they were supposed to be there at 10:00 "E" couldn't have any pain killers for her pain. She calls back and tells me-that won't work-that those in the office have personal things going on-and if she wants a ride home from them-they have to come around noon and than do the papers. "E" is not happy-RIGHTFULLY SO!!! All she wanted was to leave the same time he does. She said "I came in with him-I want to leave with him." That was her one wish! So to make things easier-Mike and I decided we would just have him circumsized later in the week-at the clinic. Not ideal-but it was better for "E". (Although-I was SO PISSED AT THE AGENCY AT THIS POINT-I ALMOST LOST IT!) So we call the agency back and say-come at noon-we can do it then-and "E" is ok with that. So fine-it's settled-we'll be there at noon. "E" looks at me and says you know....this is the devil. This is supposed to be a good day for you-and a day for me that is hard-but good-because I know he is going to a good loving home. This is the devil trying to ruin our day. (AGAIN-AMAZING! She has so much love and trust for God!)<br /><br />Noon comes and goes....<br />1....<br />2....<br />I call-no answer<br />3....nothing<br />4:00.....nothing<br />4:15 here they come walking through the door! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!! And they all walked in like there sh** didn't stink. They never apologized for making us wait....even though poor "E" hadn't had anything for pain since 4 am-because they were going to be there at NOON! Not to mention-we could have had Jeremiah circumsized there-but no-we rescheduled when in reality we didn't need to. <br /><br />At 4:30 we were moved to separate rooms. My heart began to race. While at the time my gut was telling me she would sign....I was scared. What if she couldn't do it. What if she decided she was going to try to parent. I was shaking...sick to my stomach-ready to puke. <br /><br />About 15 minutes later...Our social worker came in and said..."Congratulations." I cried...and I cried...and Cried in Mike's arms. A bit later-we signed our papers...and walked across the hall and gaver "E" a hug. Jermiah was sleeping in his bassinet peacefully. She was looking at him. I picked him up and told her that she should hold him for awhile. So she did. She held him and talked to him...I was standing next to her-and pretty soon she stood up from the bed and came over to me. She looked at him and said "You be a good boy. And always know how much I love you." Ugh...my heart broke. I just started crying and crying. I told her that he will always know how much he is loved by her and that he will ALWAYS know who you are. She hugged me and said thank you. <br /><br />We packed up our things-strapped Jeremiah into his carseat..and started walking down the halls and out the door. They had "E" get into the car first...we got into our car shortly after. At about 5:30 we got back to the hotel...and I cried...I just looked at this beautiful baby boy and cried-I was a mommy. FINALLY. He was ours. <br /><br />We spent the next 4 days wondering when ICPC would go through. On Friday afternoon we got the call at 4:30 that we could go home. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!! We were so excited to go home!!! Even though we had only been there a week-we were so excited. BUT...I wanted to see "E" one more time. I called her-to see how she was doing and asked if she wanted to meet for supper on Friday night-she said she really wanted to. And was glad I called. So we met for supper Friday night...took a lot more pictures...cried a bit more and we said our goodbyes. <br /><br />Saturday morning we packed up the hotel and made our way out of state. Sunday we flew back and Jeremiah was greeted by a lot of family and friends. He was so loved by so many already...the little boy that we had been waiting for-was finally home.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-19356884912710206812010-01-06T18:58:00.003-06:002010-01-06T19:14:57.142-06:00Jeremiah Paul...Part 2I've been told I've left you guys hanging! So here you go-part 2:<br /><br />I sat in my sisters room sobbing. Uncontrollably crying-I was so sad. I had such a bad feeling overwhelm me. I took a few minutes to try and gather myself and then remembered that I had our social workers cell number. I knew she was out of town for thanksgiving-but there was no way I couldn't call her to find out why they hadn't called us to tell us what was going on. So at about 6:40 pm. I called "J."<br /><br />"J": Hello....<br />Me: J it's Erin...I just called "E's" house and was told she had the baby!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?!!?! You were supposed to call as soon as she went into labor and I have to call her house to find out that she has already had the baby! J what is going on?!?! (Yes-I was borderline screaming)<br />"J" Wait? What? She already had the baby? I'm out of town-and No one has called me. Erin-take a breath-and try and relax-I'll call you right back after I make a few phone calls.<br />ME: OK-please hurry.<br /><br />About 5 minutes later-she calls me back. Trust me that 5 minutes felt like an ETERNITY. She says "E" didn't have the baby-but she is in labor-get in your car and start driving. She said she would call me if she delivers before we get there. I knew we were about 5-6 hours away-I knew if she hadn't had the baby-I was going to miss the delivery. She said everything was ok-but that she is labor-so get there as soon as we can. So-we repack the car we had just unpacked a few hours prior....drive to the nearest gas station.....fill up and hit the road. <br /><br />At 7:14 pm We got the call I will never forget. "Erin this is "J" Congratulations You have a beautiful baby boy. Everyone is fine, baby is perfect and beautiful and "E" is doing great! I sobbed. Poor Mike was driving and didn't know right away what was going on. Eventually I managed to ask J a few other questions-and hung up. We were in the middle of crazy traffic and all I wanted was to hug Mike. But-we waited until we made a stop to get gas. :) In the back of my mind though I'm still wondering why weren't we called? What happened that there was confusion on her having delivered or not delivered? After all-wouldn't the person at her home know if she had had the baby???? One would think!<br /><br />To Be Continued.....Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-82343401054741497232010-01-02T21:17:00.002-06:002010-01-02T21:32:37.448-06:00Jeremiah Paul.....Part 1I want to start this post with an apology-I have not posted in quite sometime-as I have been extremely busy taking care of a beautiful baby boy. Yes-I am now a mommy. A mommy to the most amazingly beautiful little boy that I have ever seen. This is going to be a lengthy post-so I'm going to break it down into a few parts. <br /><br />Here are the important facts:<br />Name: Jeremiah Paul<br />Born: November 28th<br />Time: 4:32 PM<br />Weight: 6 Pounds 15 ounces<br />Length: 20 inches<br /><br />Part 1<br /><br />Thanksgiving at our house was eventful....we were hosting thanksgiving dinner as well as packing up for our what could be 2+ weeks to meet and bring back our beautiful baby boy. So in between preparing a turkey and all the fixings, I was packing onsies, socks, sleepers, bottles and all that one would need to take care of a baby. We were leaving the next morning to drop off our pups...which let me tell you-was hard. I cried-won't even lie. We drove a few hours to an airport to save BIG $$$$ on airline tickets. So Friday afternoon we get to my parents house-hang out with them-attempt to get some sleep although I was VERY EXCITED for the next day. We flew into Atlanta where my wonderful sister lives-her and her husband let us borrow there car for the what was going to be a few weeks. We get to the airport-get through security with out to much trouble....board the plane and fly out. We get to my sisters at approximately 4:00 pm on the 28th. (If you were paying attention to the Time of Birth-you will see that Jeremiah would be making his appearance shortly there after.) "E" had asked me to be in the delivery room with her-and so the social workers had strict instructions to call us AS SOON as there were any signs of labor-or as soon as she called to say she was in labor.<br /><br />We settle in for the night-throw a pizza in the oven at my sisters and start visiting. Mike and my brother in law take their dogs for a run and I told him-when you get back I'm going to call "E" and see how she is feeling. At this point-it's about 5:30. (We still have no word that "E" is in labor, or even close to going into labor.) Around 6:30 Mike gets back-I told him we should call "E." I go into the spare bedroom-call her house-and is told "E" is at the hospital. I say-Oh-is everything ok??? (Meanwhile-my heart is racing and yet sinking at the same time.) Is she in labor?" What I hear next completely stopped my heart I think: "No ma'am-she already had the baby-a few hours ago." I paused-and said ok-thank you-and hung up. I immediately went hysterical-called Mike into the room-and just cried. My mind was telling me-she had the baby and she had decided to keep it-and they hadn't called to tell us yet. <br /><br />To be continued....Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-40200725641546282412009-11-26T08:40:00.002-06:002009-11-26T09:16:59.818-06:00A year to be thankful for...It's been a month since my last post. Mainly because my life has turned upside trying to get prepared for baby. My photography business has taken off and I've been busy shooting weddings, and family shoots for the holidays. I'm very blessed God has given me the talent. I love doing it and eventually it will be my only job. So...all that aside....today is Thanksgiving day..and of all the days in the year-today is a day that I look back and reflect on what a year it has been. I have so many things to be thankful for this year. My list would be endless, but I will say that I am most grateful for: God, my husband, our birthmother, families, friends, and of course my little furry family. God has blessed us beyond words this year, and I have more to be grateful than I could ever imagine!<br /><br />Mike and I are leaving in 2 days for a trip of a lifetime. A trip to meet our son. This journey has been nothing short of amazing. However, along with amazing it has been stressful, frustrating, exciting, sad, and scary. <br /><br />When we started on this journey back in April when we turned in our initial application we went along with the theory they told us. The homestudy will take 8-12 weeks to completely finish (meaning written and approved by our social worker) and than we would begin our waiting period. Average waiting time with the agency is 6-9 months before there initial matach and than however long it is until the birthmom is due. (Typically birthmom's come in sometime towards the middle/end of 2nd trimester.) So-in all-she said plan on waiting about a year. PERFECT! That would be great for us because that would put us into march-through june of next year. Mike would be on summer vacation and work for me is pretty quiet. You know the saying..."If you want to make God laugh tell him your plans." God had an entirely different plan for us. On, Monday, August 3rd we got our homestudy in the mail-read it signed it and dropped it in the mail. <br /><br />Monday afternoon our social workers calls us with a situation. We ultimately said no to this situation for many reasons. There were a lot of medical issues that we weren't comfortable with, and baby was due a week later. The hardest part of it was saying no-and wondering if anyone would say yes. I hope and pray that baby has found his forever home. <br /><br />On Tuesday we got another phonecall from our social worker regarding another potential situation. We were asked if we wanted our profile shown, and we said we just need to think about it and pray about it. Ultimately we said yes-after thinking about it for about 12 hours....we both said if this is God's plan than it will be, but if not we are ok with that. On Thursday we got the call we had been matched. Waiting of just 3 days...AMAZING. <br /><br />As I sit here this thanksgiving morning I think a lot about our birthmother. My heart truly breaks for her in so many ways. I hurt for her because as much as I already love this little boy she loves him so much-and yet she is giving him to me. And than again-as much as I love him, if she said she couldn't give him up, as sad as I would be, I don't know if I could be mad at her because that baby is hers first, and she loves him so much! <br /><br />I talk with our Birthmom every few days. She's so wonderful. Always sweet and polite, always asking how we are doing. I can't wait to meet her in a few days and just give her a big hug and as much as I won't want to-I'll probably start crying right in front of her. There has been so many emotions running through me the past few days and weeks. I cry so easily and when I listen to the radio and hear certain songs I just cry. They are tears of joy and excitement and sadness for her. I was telling a friend of mine the other day-that as excited as I am for us, my heart just breaks, and its hard to have so many emotions and try and sort them all out-because I can't. <br /><br />This holiday season is extra special for us. We have so much to be thankful for! I hope and pray that all of you have a happy and blessed thanksgiving as well. Give thanks for all of those you love, and for those of you who have adopted, don't forget to say an extra special prayer of thanks for our birth families.<br /><br />So with all of that said keep watch for updates on Baby Ro....I've been told our lives are just beginning.....if thats the case-its going to be one heck of a ride!Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-51820960216314534632009-10-27T13:46:00.003-05:002009-10-27T14:21:18.852-05:00Please tell me I'm normal.....Please....2 posts in one day...I know you guys are about falling off your chairs...but I need to vent and get a few things out...and I just need to be reassured that I'm normal...and if I'm NOT NORMAL...than please just tell me so I can figure out-how to become "normal" (What is that really) in the next few weeks.<br /><br />I'm going to be a mom....in just a few weeks-if all goes as planned...which my heart and mind believe it will-but let's be real-many things could change....regardless mommyhood is around the corner. I'm petrified. I was thinking early about when we leave the hospital....after baby is born...The vision...of "here you go!" here's your kid...be on your way came into my mind. And then...I thought "NOW WHAT?!!" Now what do we do? How do we know when he's hungry, hurting, happy, content, sick.....I'd like to think I have a ton of maternal instincts-but with my own child are they really going to come out? Am I going to have any clue how to take care of this child? <br /><br />Than of course the emotional side of things comes out-and I think-can I emotionally handle this child?? I mean-I'm emotionally stable....but this is going to be a HUGE life change for us...a PERMANENT LIFE CHANGE!!! Are we ready?<br /><br />Financially?!?! Can we afford this child? We're not destitute...don't get me wrong...but let's face it-kids cost money!!! And while I will give him everything in my power plus more....I'm worried...I would be lying if I said I wasn't. <br /><br />So please tell me this fear is normal. I feel like the Devil is totally working on my heart to lack peace of mind...and I hate it....but I also want to know....are these fears/worries normal???Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-9442815386976149472009-10-27T08:46:00.002-05:002009-10-27T08:54:10.856-05:00What is that you say...A Due Date?!?!?!Holy Wow!!! A DUE DATE!!! FINALLY AN ACTUAL DUE DATE!!!! Now anyone who knows babies knows that baby is going to come when baby wants to come. However, up until this point we had no idea exactly how far along BMwas. When we had first been matched we were told she was about 27-28 weeks-which put an EDD date of Nov. 10th. When she had her Ultrasound-they said she was more like 24-25 weeks-and due Dec. 2nd. Now to the average person-3 weeks isn't a big deal...but when you are trying to plan the trip of a LIFETIME 3 weeks is a very big deal. <br /><br />Last week "E" got word that all of her insurance stuff was taken care of and she was able to get back into her clinic of choice and see the doctor she wanted to see as well as deliver at the Hospital she wants...PRAISE GOD!! So she went back in yesterday-got another ultrasound...and the tech confirmed....DUE DATE DECEMBER 2ND!!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD!! Again-baby is going to come when baby wants to come....But-with "E's" other kids she has delivered with-in 2-3 days of her due date-plus or minus. So knowing this-helps a ton. <br /><br />Today happens to be "E's" birthday. I'm going to talk to her this afternoon. I mailed a package for her last week-had a few things for her in there as well as her other kids. I also put a disposable camera in there. She said she would take all of the pictures and mail the camera back...so that I could have those pictures to show Baby when he gets older. I want him to be able to see what his BM looks like, what she looked like while pregnant with him and what his siblings look like. She seemed very happy to take the pictures and she was thankful that we were going to show them to him. <br /><br />So...this puts "E" at right around 35 weeks. As a girlfriend of mine said yesterday when I told her the due date...."MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU!!" She couldn't be more right. This will truly be the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-25232189279908177782009-10-13T08:37:00.003-05:002009-10-13T08:57:15.783-05:00Breakdown....The last few weeks have been nothing short of insanely busy-but at the same time insanely boring on the adoption home front.<br /><br />We are still waiting for an exact due date! I know-crazy isn't it. I at one point but myself into a panic mode and wondered-are we getting scammed? Is this agency for real? Are they just telling us the problem is medicaid and in reality they aren't even trying? Is "E" going to change her mind? It has been emotionally breaking to say the least-and last night-I lost it. I just fell apart and cried in mike's arms...cried and cried and cried myself to sleep. Why does this whole process have to be so difficult? Why is it that something so great has to cause "E" so much pain? Why is it that medicaid can't get their stuff together and get this poor girl into the clinic where she belongs during the 3rd trimester!?!!? AM I ASKING TO MUCH!?!?! I eventually called our social worker here last week and just told her that I was beginning to have doubts and that I think something is going on that she needs to check into it. And she did-right away. She called the agency-not letting them know that I had called voicing concerns-but to get an update on the situation so that she could put it in our file. (yea-I'm sure the social worker at the agency saw right through that one-but I didn't even care!)<br /><br />Our social worker emailed me the next day calming my fears and making me feel better about the situation. She told me that she honestly feels they are doing what they can-they just weren't as proactive about things from the beginning-therefore dragging this process along a lot longer than it should be. All the while-stressing "E" out about not getting to the dr. and not knowing when baby is coming.<br /><br />Of course the financial strain of this whole process is a burden as well. It's hard to comprehend the fact that we have to pay so much to adopt-and we have accepted it and are trying to move on...but the realization I think is harder on me than mike because I pay the bills and balance the checkbook every month. I know we will be fine...but I just hate the whole concept of it! But I understand....<br /><br />Than of course there is the nursery-not even close to finished yet-but that is a story for another day...as of right now...the door is closed-with a stockpile of goodies that have yet to be unpacked, washed-or even put away.<br /><br />Throw work in, my photography (which I have to admit-is going amazingly well-and I'm blessed beyond comprehension that God has given me this amazing talent), Mike being sick (H1N1 ...NOT FUN-JUST LETTING EVERYONE KNOW!!), trying to book travel plans....trying to start thinking about packing for baby for the trip....SO MUCH!!!!<br /><br />I should add that some very dear friends threw me a baby shower on Saturday. It was so much fun! And we got some amazing things. We are so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends in our lives!<br /><br />I'm trying so hard to offer it up to God....and I pray so hard everyday for peace, strength and wisdom.....I know God will provide for our needs-it's just the process is so stressful.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-65436400155753360792009-09-23T08:55:00.002-05:002009-09-23T09:37:33.124-05:00Disconnected...<em><strong><span style="color:#009900;">Disconnected...</span></strong></em><br /><strong><em><span style="color:#009900;"></span></em></strong><br />That's how I feel the past week or 2 disconnected. From what? Everything. It seems so crazy and unbelievable to me that my life is going to change drastically in the next few months. And not in a small way-in such a HUGE way I will probably forget what its like to not have a little one. (At least thats what I'm told.)<br /><br />I was watching the news this morning and they interviewed a couple that had their embryo's implanted into another couple. (Horrible horrific story-for all involved.) When the biological mother was talking about how she felt-she said disconnected. And it clicked with me-that's exactly how I feel about this whole situation. As a mother (which I think I kind of am at this point) you want what's best for your child. And as much as I love my little boy already, I feel so disconnected from him. And I hate it. I don't know if I would feel differently if I were closer to BM, and could talk with her more, and if I could feel her tummy and him kicking, and know how she was feeling. Or if I could go with her to her dr. appt's to hear his hertbeat and to see the milestones that he reaches every week. I don't know what would make it better-but I hate feeling like this. I know how I would take care of myself if I were pregnant. Is she doing the same things I am? (There are a few things-I know she's doing differently-but she could be doing MUCH worse-so I try not to dwell on it to much.) <br /><br />I think another reason-I feel like this is because we have YET to get a definite due date. Her medicaid situation has not been taken care of yet-so because of that-no dr. will see her. ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS!!! Some clerical error is not her fault-and she is getting very frustrated and annoyed by the fact that she hasn't had her 2nd ultrasound to get a definite due date. So when we talk about going to get baby we get frustrated because we don't know when it is going to be. Is it November 10th, or December 2nd. Granted baby is going to come when baby is going to come-but BM has delivered within 3 days of her due date with her other pregnancies-so I'd like to think that we have an OK chance of making it for the delivery if we have a better idea of when that is going to be. So right now our BM is somewhere between 29 and 34 weeks pregnant....how's that for UP IN THE AIR!!<br /><br />Please don't misunderstand the feeling of disconnected and not loving our little one. Because I do love him. SO MUCH. And I know that no matter how much I can say that now-the amount of love I'm going to have for him in a few months or weeks when he gets here is more than I can ever imagine. But I'm being honest in my feelings today...something that I need to do....after all its all part of this journey.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-84419418310492094372009-09-09T14:22:00.003-05:002009-09-09T15:09:05.876-05:00Sometimes Reality Hits...<div>And the realization that I'm going to be a mom just overwhelms me to a point of tears. Good tears that is. I feel like we've waited so long for this little boy. And the excitement of expecting him is overwhelming at times. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>We talked to our EMom last week...and again-I have to say she is absolutely AMAZING!!! I Love her so much! When I tried to explain to her how grateful we are at the gift she is giving us, she in turn said thank you for giving her the gift of a wonderful home for her little boy. SEE-AMAZING!!! She asked me again if I was going to be in the delivery room with her. Of course I said I was going to and that we are going to do everything in our power to get there in enough time to be there for the delivery. I'm hoping we can fly down a few days before her due date if her dr. thinks she will make it that far. I want to be there for her every second that I can and supporting her in every way that I can. She is so unbelievable that I really can't put into words how great she is. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Her due date has been moved as of now to December 2nd. Which puts her at 28 weeks. WHAT AN AMAZING CHRISTMAS GIFT!!! BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!!! I'm so excited to have a little one to share Christmas with and I can't wait to give Mike a Christmas present from his SON!!! (Whom he is affectionately calling Baby Tiger and Baby Ro). </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>So instead of reposting baby Ro's development milestones-which I already did 2 posts ago...(please see below) I'm going to leave you with a few pictures of our little man....we got his U/S pictures in the mail on Saturday...and I have to say-I'm truly in Love!</div><br /><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5379562149158067506" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 208px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTTM_SAgQa-nG7-SphaU-YBweriu8KtB5UhZER1pQIYKjzq0sZBaX3pDQk1ROtLXiizBZ4M0da91qmBe-EbrCr9gE2EWzjX3AiMM-nh40-gVVZlTOvZSnKlMzPKAJ9N0QblHGXAlBBkKu1/s320/Baby+Ro.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-26039061896440645372009-08-27T13:03:00.003-05:002009-08-27T13:09:57.047-05:00If you guessed GIRL you are....WRONG!!!<br /><br /><div align="center"><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000099;"><strong>IT'S A BOY!!!!</strong></span></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="color:#000000;"></span></strong> </div><div align="left"><span style="color:#000000;">"Baby Ro" has he is now called, is definitely a BOY! We got the call yesterday from our social worker. Unforutnatley BM couldn't talk to us yesterday, but we are hoping to talk with her today or tomorrow. But she told the social worker that she could go ahead and tell us. We are THRILLED!! Obviosuly we would be thrilled with either, but hearing the words its a boy makes it so much more definite and real! CRAZINESS!!! I'm going to be a MOM to a little BOY in just a few months!!!</span></div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">All looked great in the ultrasound. Mom and baby look healthy-of course thats all we want! The only thing that is still up in the air is the due date. Due date may have now changed to the beginning of December vs. November 10th. Baby is measuring fine, but BM guessed on last MP, so she was a few weeks off. In reality we are bummed that we could potentially be waiting another few weeks to meet Baby Ro, but we are ok with having a few extra weeks to prepare...and baby will be here just in time for the Holidays! I can't think of a better present! </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">We are over the moon ecstatic!! This is the first grand baby on Mike's side and the first boy grandson on my side. </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">SO EXCITED!! </div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000099;"></span></strong> </div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-76874210033569415362009-08-25T16:29:00.003-05:002009-08-25T16:33:58.296-05:00WEEK 29!!<div>Once again I'm in awe that baby will be here in around 11 weeks!! WHOA!!! Here is what baby is doing now: </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>WEEK 29:<img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374017183820593762" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 267px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN7OFTQLUd05COgayP5gOiQGC4NZWkURDkvpS_8hT_E8WjjxYvSvOHX5-U0kXGfeT2K7DW6f0MrHr-uZ9dl_NaXIqVQsCnuQOPZAFun6aaVL8CKeVoIG8QTfNGR5CweHyyEAJpEeO4IxMm/s320/29-butternut-squash.jpg" border="0" /></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>How your baby's growing:Your baby now weighs about 2 1/2 pounds (<a href="http://www.babycenter.com/slideshow-baby-size">like a butternut squash</a>) and is a tad over 15 inches long from head to heel. His muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and his head is growing bigger to make room for his developing brain. To meet his increasing nutritional demands, you'll need plenty of protein, vitamins C, folic acid, and iron. And because his bones are soaking up lots of calcium, be sure to drink your milk (or find another good source of <a title="" href="http://www.babycenter.com/0_calcium-why-it-matters-during-pregnancy_665.bc">calcium</a>, such as cheese, yogurt, or enriched orange juice). This trimester, about 250 milligrams of calcium are deposited in your baby's hardening skeleton each day.</div><div> </div><div>In Other exciting news-we get to talk to "E" again TOMORROW!! I'm so excited!! Now that my emotions are more under control I think I will be able to talk to her without crying-or actually sobbing!! I'm so excited to get to know her better and find out more about her so I can pass things on to Baby R. She had a dr. appt yesterday so I'm excited to hear all about that-and she also had her sonogram!! She wants to tell us what baby is so our social worker told her that she would wait and let her tell us tomorrow over the phone. </div><div> </div><div>So Tomorrow is it!!! Please Vote along the side of the blog for your guess!!! :)</div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-12789621703898029582009-08-18T13:43:00.002-05:002009-08-18T13:44:55.758-05:00Week 28<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNL4lY2Z4rk35ra7FS7iDYKgyibEuQWNPSjFmXNNxCOf_8bckI7gtDCKjc0JHxAKaxRQcIAS-hqo3W4HZM_qxXjX9sRAq-mq8joX8L38EgUvtoR-3v4FhFOeM21SV2Gjz9ldHKJ8dRm0z9/s1600-h/28-chinese-cabbage.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5371376418402410194" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 301px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 204px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNL4lY2Z4rk35ra7FS7iDYKgyibEuQWNPSjFmXNNxCOf_8bckI7gtDCKjc0JHxAKaxRQcIAS-hqo3W4HZM_qxXjX9sRAq-mq8joX8L38EgUvtoR-3v4FhFOeM21SV2Gjz9ldHKJ8dRm0z9/s320/28-chinese-cabbage.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />By this week, your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (<a href="http://www.babycenter.com/slideshow-baby-size">like a Chinese cabbage</a>) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels. She can blink her eyes, which now sport lashes. With her eyesight developing, she may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. She's also developing billions of neurons in her brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world.<br /><br />WHOA! TIME FLIES!!Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-63348653835107740632009-08-17T13:38:00.004-05:002009-08-17T14:00:21.711-05:00Life would be SO MUCH EASIER...IFI remembered that I'm NOT in control-but GOD is!!! Seriously! Why don't I remember that-instead I just stress over things and worry about things that I have NO CONTROL OVER!!!<br /><br />If there has been one thing I have realized more than ever before it is how incredibly blessed Mike and I are. I mean so INCREDIBLY BLESSED!!! We have the most amazing family and friends and we are continuously amazed at God's great works.<br /><br />So let me start this part of the post with an update on Baby and our BM. BM is 27 weeks along...wow!!! SEEMS SO CRAZY! She has a dr. appt next week after that she will schedule her sonogram-and from there we will find out if Baby R is a boy or girl!! SO EXCITING!!! :)<br /><br />Baby R is about the size of a head of cauliflower.<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5371005636437610610" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 288px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 188px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6bNJrNkstK5yuY-1zpX_F1rofsAzPQ8R2riHncOM2S6udyTFrFTlYloKDTPCgr-1SyBwCcN9ys-vLULwLpr2EBXdPbU_MjW0Qk9dw5tHRMTrJ4BYhpEOjPZ80lvngM8fgkVZajZMUL2jA/s320/27-cauliflower.jpg" border="0" />This week, your baby weighs almost 2 pounds and is about 14 1/2 inches long with her legs extended. She's sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing her eyes, and perhaps even sucking her fingers. With more brain tissue developing, your baby's brain is very active now. While her lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning — with a lot of medical help — if she were to be born now. Chalk up any tiny rhythmic movements you may be feeling to a case of baby hiccups, which may be common from now on. Each episode usually lasts only a few moments, and they don't bother her, so just relax and enjoy the tickle. <p>Now on to the miraculous works of GOD...who I owe so much to!!! When we got the call about Baby R we knew all about the costs that we were going to incur. We were fine with it and we had budgeted for that amount. I think over the weekend though it just hit me at how much money this adoption is really costing. BUT SO WORTH IT!! WE KNOW THAT!!! </p><p>We've been praying so much that we would come up with enough "Extra" money to pay for our travel expenses. (Being that the match happened so quick, we didn't have a lot of time to prepare and save anything additional). Yesterday while I'm at home and editing pictures my phone rings. A bride was calling to ask if I would shoot her wedding!!! While I have a lot of jobs booked between now and end of October, we were still going to come up short on travel. However, this one wedding will COVER OUR TRAVEL EXPENSES!!! GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!! </p><p>Than....it gets better :) We have been applying for grants. Any grant that we think we could qualify for-we apply for. On Thursday I turned in our first application. I heard from them right away-thanking them for my application. (in reality-We should be (And DID) be thanking them for even giving us the opportunity to even apply for a grant!) She said we fit the criteria and that she will be in touch with us after she gets back from a trip to discuss the grant further! WONDERFUL!! VERY PROMISING!!! Than this morning I get another call from a grant agency that we have applied for. She called me for a brief phone interview. She set up a face to face interview and said that we fit all qualifications perfectly and that they are excited to help us anyway they can!!! WONDERFULLY AMAZING!! AGAIN-GOD IS SOOOO GOOD!!!!!! </p><p>Now-on to my amazing family! Ok-so my family is SO EXCITED about this adoption! I mean seriously-SO EXCITED!!! I will say though-they don't know how much it is costing us. We have never come right out and said-mainly because its private information. They just know it's A LOT. And on top of the costs the travel is going to be a lot. So while talking with one of my sisters she offers us something wonderful. Here's the deal: They live about 5 hours from where Baby will be born. We have decided to fly to her-then her and her hubby are going to give us their car for 2 weeks along with their car seat and any other baby gear we need (since my neice has outgrown it)!!! THIS SAVES US ABOUT $1000!!! The car rental alone for 2 weeks was going to be between $600 and $800 plus gas! Plus my wonderful Brother in law-has offered to pay for gas from where they live to Baby R! SERIOUSLY! I HAVE THE MOST AMAZING FAMILY!!! Again-SO SO BLESSED!!!! </p><p>So again...if I would just remember that I'm not in control-but God is...I would be so much less stressed. And honestly-I have to say that since last Friday-my stress has decreased SO MUCH. I have offered it all up to God knowing that He will provide and that all will be well. God is truly good...amazing...and wonderful. He has truly blessed us and we are eternally greatful for his wonderous deeds!!!</p>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-22871476171522477282009-08-07T10:53:00.003-05:002009-08-07T11:15:39.247-05:00I'M GOING TO BE A MOMMY!!!<strong><span style="font-size:180%;"></span></strong><br /><div align="left"><strong><span style="font-size:180%;"> HIS</span> TIME HAS COME!!</strong><br /><br />Wow-my heart is truly full....with so many emotions. This week has been nothing short of amazing and stressful and nerve wracking.<br /><br />This will get long-but I need to put everything down so I can look back and remember how this all happened.<br /><br />On July 15th we had our last homestudy visit. We were told we were approved right away-but we had to wait for it to become official until we signed it and our social worker signed it etc. We get our homestudy via email sent to us last Monday-the 27th. We read it and make the few changes and sent it back-we were "officially" approved on the 29th.<br /><br />On July 31st our SW called us and told us to look at the list of agencies she was sending us so that we could decide where we wanted the rest of our profiles sent to-since they work with so many agencies around the country. We decided on one and we mail our newly printed profile books to our agency on the 31st in the afternoon-she receives them Monday morning.<br /><br />Monday Afternoon around noon our SW calls us with a "situation." Our profile fit the criteria for a BM-and she wanted to know if we wanted our profile shown. For personal reasons we decided not to. There was a lengthy list of medical issues with mom and mental issues as well, and as much as we wanted to say yes, we felt we would be selfish in doing so-because we knew that we couldn't provide for that baby in the future with the mental and medical issues that could arise. So after thinking and praying about it for 24 hours I called her back on Tuesday morning and told her no. We start talking about the agency we had chosen and she told us that the director of the agency was going to call us and give us all of the info we needed to officially make our decision.<br /><br />Fast forward to noon on Tuesday-the director of our agency calls us. She informs me that another situation has come up this time with the agency we chose to have our profile books sent to. She gives us the background on mom and afer a lot of thinking and praying-we said YES! So we sent our profile book down via email to the agency-since BM was coming in sometime on Wednesday. I emailed the book down, get a phone call on Wednesday morning from SW at new agency stating BM is now not coming in until Thursday....all this time-I'm calm and thinking no biggie. We weren't getting our hopes up.<br /><br />The SW with the new agency calls me Thursday morning and says BM is coming in Thursday afternoon to look at the books and she will call me after and let me know how it goes. My phone rang yesterday at about 2 pm...and my heart began to race. I will never forget those words!!! "Erin....this is Jennifer with ___________ I have some exciting news for you!! You have been chosen!" I immediately began crying. Sobbing actually. Than the SW started crying...so it was one big sob fest!! Good tears of course!! I told her I had to go home and find Mike and tell him. She asked me if we ever had any wishes of talking with BM. I said of course we'd love to...so she says-well she's still here...my response...oh you meant TODAY!?!? :)<br /><br />So I went home....a sobbing mess and I told Mike...luckily not a far drive. I sobbed when I told him...than he sobbed....and we sobbed some more. SW called me back and said BM was there and if we wanted to she would put us on a conferece call. So we did....crying and all-we talked to her on the phone. She is TRULY AMAZING!! That's all I can say...AMAZING!!!<br /><br />We talked to her for about 20 minutes on the phone and at the end she asked if I would be in the delivery room with her. WOW!! I TOLD YOU SHE WAS AMAZING!!! Of course through tears I said Yes-and that I would be honored. She asked if she could talk with us more on the phone before D Day-which is NOVEMBER 10th! We said of course! So we plan on talking with her many more times before then! And we are so excited to get to know her more!!!<br /><br />GOD IS GOOD! AND HE HAS TRULY BLESSED US!!!!</div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-33825964557443669802009-07-21T08:10:00.003-05:002009-07-21T08:25:02.602-05:00One Year Ago Yesterday....It's truly amazing how much can change in a year's time and how much a heart can heal. One year ago today, I was preparing for my lap which was scheduled for Monday morning. I was at home with Mike when the phone rang-it was Dr. Z....immediately my heart raced-what would he be calling me for-and why is he calling me from his home? Pre-op question...my gut told me something was wrong.<br /><br />He had the results of Mike's SA and the news of finding out that Mike was sterile are words that I will never forget. Really I think more than anything it was the fear of how am I going to tell Mike. My heart was breaking for us-but not knowing how I was going to tell him scared me more than anything. But-I mustered through the tears and told him....and we cried...and we cried...and we cried some more. Thinking about that day brings a lot of those feelings back, but in no way the magnitude of what I felt that day. The feelings I have are more so remembering being sad for us...knowing that our future with kids was unknown.<br /><br />Who would have thought that almost a year to the date later we would have found out that we are Home study approved and that we are officially waiting for our first baby to come home. Who would have thought that our hearts could heal themselves and allow us to be excited for the future and what is in store for us. I surely never in my wildest dreams thought that our lives were ever going to be happy again after we got that news. God however, had His plans, and of course we are thrilled and beyond excited for how our family is going to grow.<br /><br />I have never been one to doubt God's plan. However, I would be lying if I said that there wasn't a time in my life where I was angry at God and asked him WHY? Why us, why do we have to go through all of this? What are you trying to prove? Now I look at us in this situation and say "Thank you for giving us the amazing gift of Adoption." Thank you for blessing us and allowing our family to grow. I coined a phrase that I have put on this blog a few times-but it is one that I tell myself quite frequently:<br /><br />"There are very few people that get to experience the miracle and joys of adoption. We have been chosen to receive this beautiful miracle. We have been chosen because we are special."<br /><br />So as hard as it is to not think on that day with great sadness, we look ahead with joy and excitement. My heart still hurts but in a different way. We are beyond excited for our little one to arrive, and we are sad for what he had to go through, but we know that it is all part of His perfect plan for us and we have learned to accept that.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-40465260657174804462009-07-16T09:49:00.002-05:002009-07-16T09:52:39.473-05:00HOME STUDY APPROVED!I Know I have been an awful blogger...I think I have said that before...many times...truth is-time flies during the day-and at night-I'm busy doing other things-that I just forget to blog!<br /><br />ANYWAYS!!! Our last Home study was last night-and we are HOME STUDY APPROVED!!! WHAT A RELIEF!!! OH MY GOSH!!! I never wanted to let myself think we couldn't be approved..but the realization is that everyone can not be for one reason or another. But regardless-WE ARE APPROVED!!! We officially are waiting for BABY R #1!!!<br /><br />It's crazy, exciting, stressful, emotional time-but we are so happy....so so happy! It was almost 1 year ago to the day that we got our dx of infertility (azoospermia). It was July 21st. Who would have thought that almost a year to the date later we would be "expecting" our first miracle. God's plan is truly AMAZING!Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-31834854318385074082009-06-16T13:01:00.003-05:002009-06-16T13:17:47.540-05:00Homestudy Number 2It went very well. I can't say enough good things about our agency and social worker. She is truly awesome. I can't imagine going through this with someone cold or not very pleasant. Honestly when we talk with her its like visiting with friends over coffee. It's great. We made her tear up when we started talking about "E" It was a hard day for Mike and I, and we knew we couldn't fool her by pretending that we were ok. When she asked how we were doing-and how are day was-I almost broke down. Luckily Mike had it together-so he told her. She of course apologized....and said how sorry she was. We made it through without totally breaking down.<br /><br />She dropped off another 16 pages of paperwork. SERIOUSLY 16 pages! I COUNTED!!! I wasn't even finished with the last 12 that she dropped off! Ugh! Luckily we've got a few weeks before the next home visit-so we can finish them. Those "essay form" questions are a killer!! She also dropped off a few sample profile books for us to look at. That was a big relief. We had no idea how to start that-so that helps a lot.<br /><br />As you can see from my previous post-yesterday was a rough day. Sweet "E" went home to Jesus. It was a really hard day for me. "E" was such a sweet soul. So precious....so sweet, loving, caring, his smile could light up a room. I miss him so much. I know where he is-so I can't help but be happy for him-but so sad for us who are left behind. Mike and I said he probably ran through the gates of Heaven with those new legs of his. He ran-pain free into the arms of Jesus. I talked with his mom this morning-and she said before he died she told him that he needed to communicate one way or another that he was there with Jesus....and that he was so happy. She told me he smiled at her-a big big smile. A few hours later he was gone. My heart breaks for the family. Parents shouldn't bury there children. THAT'S NOT THE WAY IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE!!!! I know God has his plans, but sometimes its so hard for me to understand. "E" was put on this earth for a reason-and durig his time here he taught me SO MUCH! SO SO MUCH!!! More than I ever thought I could learn from a 2 year old-all the way up until he was 9!!! That little boy was so special to me-I can't imagine going to see his brother now, and not seeing "E" with him . My heart aches, but I know he's happy now, pain free, and with Jesus.....so for that I Need to be happy for him. That doesn't mean-I'm not going to miss him I will.....so incredibly much.<br /><br />Last night we laid in bed-and I just cried and cried. Mike held me and I cried some more. He knows just how to console me....he's so amazing. "E's" parents called us last night. They asked Mike to be a pall bearer. Of course he was honored and he said yes. That is going to be a tough day. The day when we have to really say not goodbye but "I'll see you later." I dread it-but sometimes those days help me move on. But it still is going to be a VERY VERY HARD DAY.<br /><br />Rest in Peace "E" I love you and Miss youErinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-50396472913617426622009-06-15T10:14:00.003-05:002009-06-16T13:13:04.135-05:00Rest in PeaceRest in Peace"E".....You are now an Angel in Heaven looking down on us. I Love you and Miss you....<br /><br />It's not goodbye....It's I'll see you Later.<br /><br />"I look at life as a gift of God. Now that he wants it back I have no right to complain."<br />---Joyce CaryErinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-18550093072264052592009-06-12T13:26:00.004-05:002009-06-12T13:51:04.181-05:00"Give me Jesus"7 1/2 years ago on September 11th, 2001 was a day that I will NEVER forget. Not only was that a day that will go down in history for our country, but was also the day that I walked into the best most rewarding job that I have ever had. It was the day I interviewed for a position as a CNA at home for children with special needs. Working there was never something that worried me-however, I would be lying if I said I was never nervous. I was very nervous, not knowing how to take care of some of the kids, especially being that I was working in the medically fragile unit.<br /><br />I started working there 3 weeks later on October 1st. AMAZING. I loved it, I loved every second of it. Those kids touched my life in a way that I have never been touched before. They tought me about strength, about love and about faith. They tought me that life is truly what you make of it. And that every day is a gift from God.<br /><br />My first day wasn't exactly scary-but nervewracking. I had never worked in the healthcare field directly. However, I was going to school to become a nurse so I felt that certain things just came natural to me. I remember someone telling me, try and not get to attached to these kids. Many of them move on to group homes, or move out of our direct care area, and unfortunately some of them die. I wish not getting attached was easy.....it's not.<br /><br />My first day-I walked in and was greeted by a beautiful little 3 year old boy. He melted my heart. His smile was contagious and his eyes just melted me. I sat and rocked him.....he was the first child I ever held when I worked there. He was the first one that held my hand....and he was the first one that I can truly say I fell in love with. That little boy, whom I will call "E" was the one that I looked forward to working with everyday when I went in. I looked forward to seeing his smile, to crawling into bed with him and reading stories and listening to his Christian music. "E" is non-verbal....so he could not talk to me using "actual words." He had certain cues he would do to let us know what he wanted or didn't want. Our favorite song of all time was "You'll Be In My Heart" by Phil Collins. WE LOVED THAT SONG!!! We would put it on repeat and listen to it for hours....boy did that make that little boy smile. His other favorite....<br />"Barbie Girl" by Aqua. Oh gosh that song would make him so exicted he would practically come out of his wheelchair. Those are the memories of "E" that I will treasure forever.<br /><br />5 weeks ago "E" was sent to the hospital for a major surgery. That surgery was going to drastically improve his quality of life. Unfortunately, after several post op complications "E" will be going home with Hospice care. He will not be going back to be with his twin brother, who will miss him SO MUCH, but instead he will be leaving this earth, and going to walk with Jesus in Heaven. My heart is truly breaking. A few weeks ago we stopped at the hospital to see him when we were visiting my family. He was in the children's hospital not far away-and Mike and I both wanted to see him. (Mike took care of "E" to...that's how Mike and I met-was working there.) When I left there I gave him a hug and kiss and told him how much I loved him. I had no idea, that that will more than likely be the last time I would see him.<br /><br />This weekend I will spend looking through pictures of him and putting them to a video for his mom and dad. I don't know how much time that sweet amazingly beautiful little boy has left on this earth, but I know he is going to live in the heart of Mike and I forever. I will never forget that beautiful smile or those big blue eyes. He is truly the most amazing little boy ever.<br /><br />So, if any of you readers have any wonderful Christian songs that would be good for a video, please pass the names on to me. I have a few picked out, but I need a few more.<br /><br />Please keep "E" and his family (Mom, Dad, Twin Brother and 3 other siblings) in your thoughts and prayers. They need A LOT of strength to get through the weeks, months, and years ahead.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-59689057957019285702009-06-11T16:03:00.002-05:002009-06-11T16:09:12.958-05:00Ugh...If there were only more time...In a day. I would have more time to blog! My poor blog is so neglected sometimes! :)<br /><br />Well Homestudy Number 2 is on MONDAY!!! As a very good friend of mine says: HOLY CRAPSACK!!! I'm beyond excited about it!! I'm really not nervous-but that could change come Monday afternoon. I'm just excited to start the waiting process. There is a classic adoption saying: "Hurry up and wait!" Thats where we're at right now....<br /><br />My first wedding 2 weeks ago....well that was interesting to say the least. I had a blast taking pictures-and honestly-for my first wedding-I'm not to disappointed with how they turned out!! I took about 1000 through out the day, and my husband's cousin who came for about 2 hours to get 2 camera's during the ceremony-took about 200. So we have A LOT of pictures to pass onto the bride and groom. Hopefully they are happy with them!! They were very excited with the sneak peak that I gave them.<br /><br />I'm hoping to start a photography blog in the next few days...We'll see if it happens. I have a mound of paperwork to finish and a family session to edit and a maternity session tonight. So, we'll see what happens! No promises! :)Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-75404572866527773682009-05-26T22:46:00.002-05:002009-05-26T22:51:15.924-05:00Homestudy #1Well considering it was a week ago-I figured I should update! I'm such a slacker! <br /><br />Our homestudy went awesome! SO GREAT!! I love our social worker....she's so amazing! So sweet and caring, compassionate-and truly someone that wants us to be parents-not someone who is going to try and prevent us from being parents. She really is awesome. We talked a lot about our family histories. How we were each raised, what our relationships are with our families-things like that. It was about 2 hours long-but in reality-it really didn't feel that long-like I said it went really really well. <br /><br />Our next one will be either next week or the week after!<br /><br />We're on our way!Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-55429393182304815832009-05-18T13:23:00.002-05:002009-05-18T13:38:49.260-05:00Overwhelmed with Emotions...Ugh! That's how I feel today....plain and simple...UGH! I had a good weekend. One of relaxation, some cleaning, and some time with great friends. <br /><br />Last night however, reality set in...and I realized this week was going to be stressful and overwhelming. <br /><br />Tomorrow is our first homestudy. And suprisingly I'm not at all nervous about that. I actually feel totally calm and collected about that. Which is a BIG surprise. Typically I'm one who freaks out and stresses about that kind of thing. So the fact that I'm not-is a pleasant surprise. <br /><br />However, the end of the week is a BIG HUGE ENORMOUS event of mine. One that I'm more nervous for than anything else I've done in a long time....My first Wedding. No-not my wedding-but a wedding that I'm shooting-meaning photography.<br /><br />This is a subject that I haven't blogged much about-not really sure why-maybe because I've been so focused on the adoption...that I really haven't had a lot of time to think about it...but in reality-some of my personal goals, dreams, and ambitions in life are happening right in front of me and if I don't stop and enjoy them-they are going to pass me by. A little background....I've always LOVED photography. I was that girl who took pictures of everything-and I was THAT GIRL who always had a camera with at every event. As I got older, it just manifested into a glorified hobby. Than over time, people have been asking me to do their baby pictures, family photo's, pet's, some candid (behind the scenes) wedding photography. Well about 6 weeks ago I got a call from a coworker of my husband. Her daughter had just gotten engaged-and decided to do a wedding in a very short amount of time....meaning this weekend. (Man I give that girl credit. I had a hard enough time planning a wedding in a year-let alone 2 months!) She needed a photographer. My first response....kindly decline-and thank them for the offer-but....before I could even get those words out of my mouth-she said-she trusts me-and she knows this will be my first wedding, but she'd be honored if I would do it. Ugh...how could I say no! Than my next response-do it for free...than I will feel better. However, as I'm telling her how flattered I was that she would ask me-she tells me that she will pay me....she HAS TO...It's only right that someone gets paid for there job. So I told her-you give me what you think I'm worth....let me tell you-she must think I'm worth a heck of a lot of money! Cause I was floored when I got the first check that said 1 of 2 in the memo line. <br /><br />About a week later-I get a phone call from an acquaintance. We worked together a few years ago-but I haven't talked to her since my wedding-cause her now fiance was a groomsmen....they are getting married in July-and asked if I would shoot there wedding as well....EEK! Are you serious?!?! So-I decided-I would do it. Than over the weekend while I was shooting a babies 6 month shots-the mom asked if I was available August 15th for her cousins wedding. She was having a heck of a time finding a photographer.....SERIOUSLY! WHERE DOES THIS KIND OF THING COME FROM!?!! I've always wanted to stay at home when we had kids...ALWAYS...Just never knew if it would be possible....I'm beginning to second guess those thoughts.....and I'm realizing more and more that God does provide...and that God does honor those wishes that are heavy on our hearts. So I have a lot of praising to do over the next few days as well as a lot of praying for guidance and strength to use the talents that he gave me to the best of my ability! <br /><br />God is Good!Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-79493250670526906732009-05-14T16:28:00.002-05:002009-05-14T16:45:53.489-05:00Did You Miss Me....Cause I've missed myself...I feel like I'm nothing short of a chicken running around with her head cut off. But....now....I can relax.....at least a little. <br /><br />Ok-an update on the last few weeks.....<br /><br />First our Homestudy. <br /><br />We had talked with our social worker-whom I love by the way-seriously one of the sweetest girls ever. We had it all set up for tomorrow evening at 6PM. That way neither Mike or I had to take time off of work. (although I did anyways-cause I figured I wouldn't be able to concentrate at work.) Well today she calls me...and she has to reschedule...DOH! For a completely understandable reason-a birthmom came forward-and she is due in a week. While I don't know details-I know that some parents are going to get the amazing news this weekend that they are going to be parents. So I have to be totally honest-I'm not in the least bit upset, but rather THRILLED for those new parents to be. I'll be saying a specail prayer for them tonight and thanking God for the fact that there dream is coming true. So we rescheduled for next Tuesday. No Biggie. <br /><br />Moving on to other things....I'm hoping to paint the nursery this weekend, or at least get it started. We are acquiring a few things here and there-so I decided that it was time to get going. We are picking up our crib next week....which is coming from Mike's grandma....kind of. When his grandma died a few years ago-he was told that she had left him some money. We had no idea how much or anything-and in reality-we really didn't care....it's always hard inheriting money-cause money isn't going to bring the person back-at least thats how I feel. Anyways, the other day I was in the bank and I was told that my husband has a separate savings account there. Hmmm...weird-this is a new bank for us-we've never banked there-how can he have an account there. Turns out-thats where the money from his grandma was left. So...while it wasn't "much" according to some...it is enough to buy us a VERY NICE beautiful crib-and we are SO GREATFUL. <br /><br />So hopefully I'll get a few pictures posted this weekend of before and after...and then once we get our crib set up I'll take a few more!Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1848286679424321905.post-66394423407154806672009-04-30T21:31:00.003-05:002009-04-30T22:07:34.977-05:00I need some opinions...Mike and I are going back and forth on a few things. We are starting to adjust our monthly budget now so that we can be prepared when our loan payments come due for the adoption. We know its going to be awhile...but might as well prepare ourselves now.<br /><br />So we're trying to think of ways we can save money. A very very good friend of mine cloth diapers. I never thought I would cloth diaper. NEVER! SO NOT ME! However, I'm all about saving money...a lot of money! Since breastfeeding isn't an option for us, we will be spending A LOT of money on formula every month-we thought this would be a good way to save some money. We really like the bum genius. They are great! When we've taken care of our friends little peanut-she wears them-and they are GREAT!! "M" was the one who first got me thinking about it-and when her and I went baby shopping last Friday-we looked at them for awhile-and i started thinking more seriously about them. They aren't very cheap to start off with, but in the long run they will save money. And on top of all of that-its good for the enviornment-which is obviously a big plus as well.<br /><br />So I want opinions...pros and cons for cloth diapering and not. Your experiences....is cloth diapering worth it? Not worth it? Easier? More work?Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06227462606493712200noreply@blogger.com9