I've been thinking about posting something this week-since it has been quite the rollercoaster, but could just never force myself to do it, even though I spend about 90% of my work day at my desk.
This week....ugh-what a week. Let's have a brief recap....although I'm sure this one is going to turn into a short novel...
Last weekend...woke up with a sore back-nothing to alarming-I've had back problems my entire life. I've just grown with the fact that I always will.
Woke up on Monday-could barely move-and my left arm was numb-I figured it was time to call the chiropractor-made the call-couldn't get in until Tuesday-DOH!
Tuesday-go to the chiropractor-find out I have 3 vertebra (sp?) out and my hips are out by 3/4 inch. My chiropractor says-child birth will be a breeze-because these injuries don't just happen....you've been like this for awhile-you must have an extremely high pain tolerance if you haven't been in here sooner-you'll be that girl with no drugs! If you only knew lady-if you only knew....child birth won't ever be happening for me....but oh well-just make my back not hurt. I wasn't going to get into that conversation today.
Tuesday night-we get the news. Our BM is having reservations about the situation. Well let me rephrase that....she's not-but her family and the BF are not supporting the decision. She knows that she can't keep this baby, but her family is trying to convince her otherwise-all the while knowing that it will be her responsibility-not theres. BF says he's going to help-but he's not taking care of the several (yes several) children he already has. And he's a felon-and in and out of jail. Why he is going to take care of this child-if he hasn't taken care of the other ones. Plus-he lives in a different state-so if she moves to his home state....she will be leaving any sense of stability that she does have. She has still said that she wants to meet us...but we are much more gaurded then we were before. We know this may very well not turn out the way we want it to. But my heart aches for her. I can't imagine what she's going through....I just wish she could find the support she needs.
Wednesday.....my work load increased by two-fold. It is our busiest time of year-and while my mind has been with the BM-I'm finding it tough to focus at work and be the productive person I know I need to be.
Thursday...went with Mike to his work for Family night. All I see all over-BABIES. Many many babies. I know everyone of those women and men-love there children with there whole heart, but sometimes I wonder if the realize just how blessed they are. They are able to have children, more than one even-maybe even 4 or 5! Do you realize how blessed you are?!?!?! That's what I wanted to say when I hear a few of them was complaining about the lack of sleep they got the night before-because some of there babies woke up a few times to eat. I would give anything for that-but please don't complain to someone who want's more than anything to wake up to hear that baby wanting nothing more than there mom or dad to feed them and hold them...because feel blessed that you are a mom and that you have the baby that needs you. (and yes-they know about our IF.)
That leads me to today-it's going to be another busy day-but at least it's Friday-and I have the weekend to relax.
I do want to add something...by reading this-some may think that I am angered or upset by the average person who can conceive naturally without any trouble-like most of my friends are. I'm not saying that at all-because I WOULD NEVER WISH IF ON ANYONE!!! NEVER!!! What angers me-are those people that can get pg very easily.....and who do not appreciate what they have. They don't appreciate how lucky and blessed they are. As tired as you may be at 3:00 am when your baby wakes up for the 4th time-praise GOD THAT YOU HAVE THAT HEALTHY CHILD!!! PRAISE GOD THAT YOUR CHILD HAS THE FOOD TO EAT!!! GIVE THANKS THAT GOD BLESSED YOU WITH THAT CHILD!!! Do I know a Mother's Love? No-not yet, but the love I have for my child that I don't even have yet is only a fraction of what I will feel later when I'm holding him or her in my arms for the first time. But the first thing I will be saying is PRAISE GOD FOR THIS MIRACLE.
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5 comments:
I'll keep praying. Maybe you could be that support person for your BM???? A quick comment...parents are generally not complaining about being up so much at night, although it may sound like it. I know for myself, I actually miss it. EVERYONE likes to talk about themselves...EVERYONE! This is the most intensive part of their lives right now, so they talk about it. Though it sounds negative, I don't think that it always is meant to be. I can't imagine how difficult it must be, but please try not to hold this anger. I will pray for peace for you, no matter what happens.
I know that feeling all too well. I have two foster boys right now but before I had them I had lost all 3 of our children due to premature delivery. All lived for about 5-20 minutes and then went home to be with our Lord in Heaven.
After the last child was born we were out eating and I think it was some kind of pregnancy convention or something b/c every pregnant woman was there and talking about how they wish they could hurry up and have this baby that is making them way uncomfortable! UUgggghhhh! Could you please stop! I am pouring out tears into my salad missing my children and you are gushing over the fact that yours has a foot in your ribs.
It has been 2 years since our last baby girl was born but I still hear people making "complaints" about their pregnancy and thinking to myself "just be grateful!"
I am now very thankful for my handsome boys that I get to take care of. Even when they kept me awake at all hours of the night in the beginning!
I will be praying for this time for you. I know it is not easy... the waiting game never is, no matter how it looks!
I am sorry that things are not going more smoothly with the BF and BM and her family. I will pray that God gives everyone strength and guidance.
I agree with Anon. I think most parents don't really mean to complain, or to sound like they are complaining. I think it's more venting. It's like when you make a joke comment about how many times you have to tell hubby to do something. You aren't really complaining about your hubby; you're glad he's there. But to someone without a hubby, or who's lost their hubby, it could sound that way. But I know it's still hard to hear and see all those families. Especially when things are so up in the air right now. I hope the face to face meeting gives you some comfort, one way or the other.
I so hope that it works out for you with your potential birthmother situation. I'm sorry that it's been tough and I think it's a good idea to protect yourselves, namely your hearts. I hope that your back is feeling better! Hang in there!
I'm so sorry that you're having such a crappy week. FWIW I LOVE getting up at 3am with my baby :) I still smile every time.
I can't wait for you to be here.
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