God Only Takes The Best

"God saw you were getting tired and it was not meant to be.
So he put his arms around you and whispered "come to me."
With tearful eyes we watched you and saw you pass away.
Although we loved you dearly we could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating hard, working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us he only takes the best!"

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Rest in Peace Trapper...You will be missed....
Watch over your family from Heaven and Guide them through life on your New Angel Wings...

HOPING AND PRAYING FOR A MIRACLE

Miracles Do Happen...

Thats what I keep telling myself. My heart is truly breaking for "T" and her family. I was told when I walked into work on Wednesday morning that her husband had a massive heart attack on his way to working out. A paper boy found him, started CPR and was able to revive him along with EMT's. He was stablized air lifted to a hospital much more equipped to handle a cardiac case such as his....a trip that they didn't think he would survive-but he did. He was put on Life support....in hopes that they could give his body time to rest and heal-and that he would come around. What they didn't know was how long he had been without oxygen. It could have been as long as 50 minutes....no one knows. We were told it wasn't good...but there was a chance. Yesterday when I got to work they told us they had called family and friends together-He wasn't going to make it. My heart sank and then broke. I can't imagine what she is going through. 2 of the nicest people in the world should not have to go through this. And they both are-amazingly caring loving people. Wonderful parents, amazing friends, and the best co-workers anyone could ever ask for.
We got an update yesterday afternoon that they decided to keep him on life support for a few more days and to HOPE AND PRAY FOR A MIRACLE...so thats all we have been doing. Hoping and praying.
"T" is one co-worker that I have truly bonded with. She's such a mom about everything :) She's the one who brings cupcakes when its your birthday, she's the one who comes up to make sure your feeling ok when you were out sick the day before, the one who takes care of everyone. When we found out yesterday I immediately volunteered to go shopping for them for when they returned from the hospital. Before we knew that they were going to keep him on lifesupport for another few days. So God-forbid anything does happen-the staff here have been very generous and they will be set for all of the family and friends that are going to be stopping by the house to offer support. It's the least I can do...she takes care of everyone....it's about time someone is able or can at least try to take care of her and her family.

2 years ago Today...

Was one of the happiest days of my life! Mike and I got married at 1:30 in the afternoon on a warm summer day in St. Paul. It was a beautiful day and I remember being abnormally calm. Everyone told me I would be a mess that morning. I was quite the opposite. It was pouring rain, the florist was late-or so we thought (when in reality the flowers were at the church for an hour-just in the wrong place), I had a bridal party of 22 and they were running around like crazy getting dressed....then there was me-pretty calm-just kind of taking it all in. I was a bit stressed about the flowers, but I remember thinking-ok...well if she totally flaked on me-there is a floral shop down the street....and I'll send my personal attendant there figure something out. But in the end-it was fine. The flowers were upstairs and they were BEAUTIFUL.

Pictures went by without a problem and while we were downstairs of the church while everyone was filing in, I remember looking around at all of my bridesmaids and laughing and thinking-wow-I'm really getting married. This is the day that I've been waiting for my ENTIRE life. I was so happy. I remember thinking about Mike and all that was going through his head. I knew how emotional he was-and I wondered if he would cry when he saw me. Then my mom came down and told us it was time to line up. I froze...."Wait...what? It's time...it can't be time-I'm not ready!" I was ready-but I was not emotionally ready for walking down that isle to see my future husband standing there...I wasn't ready to give my dad a hug for the last time as his single daughter. I wasn't ready!
Well I was ready-I was more than ready...I was just scared of the emotions that I could feel. I went upstairs and saw my dad....and immediately started crying. I was his little girl. Although he has 7 daughters he treated us all like we were his little girls. We were his princesses. And then he started to cry-and then I really lost it.
We walked down the isle....and he told me how much he loved me...and he gave me away and said to Mike..."This is my little girl...take care of her-and promise me you won't hurt her." Mike shook his hand..and said: "I wouldn't hurt her for anything." And at that moment I walked up the stairs to the altar and thought...how is it possible to love him any more than I already do? Well the day after and every day since-I love him more than I did that day.
He makes me so incredibly happy. Growing up and dating some real "winners" I never thought it would be possible to be as loved as I am now. I have trouble allowing myself to feel loved for whatever reason...but he has such an unconditional love for me-it's almost scary. And the same goes for me. I love him more than words could ever say. He's all that I've ever wanted-plus more. I can't wait to grow old with him.

2 years ago...

I was at my parents house getting ready for my rehearsal dinner. I remember thinking to myself-holy wow-We are really getting married tomorrow. It was such a crazy thought-but I was so excited about it. We got to the church and waited for our wedding party to get there....all 22 attendants were right on time-with the exception of the best man-but hey-he's never on time for anything. He ended up missing the entire rehearsal-but showed up in enough time to eat-go figure. Mike's mom and step dad-missed rehearsal as well-and showed up in enough time to eat...go figure. I remember thinking to myself....oh well-we are still getting married tomorrow-with our without them....

We lined everyone up-we did our practice run through and then it was off to supper. We had a great time at the rehearsal dinner. And Mike and I had a few moments together before we said goodnight....and I'll see you tomorrow. I remember thinking-I was going to miss him so much that night. And then I thought-I'm going to be spending the rest of my life with this man...how lucky am I!!???!?!?!? I was so excited for the next day-but it seemed so far away to me. I think I even cried when I said goodbye to him....I was such an emotioinal basketcase. But I went home-finished getting a few things ready for the next day. And went to bed. I think I actually even slept pretty well......

"So When Will You Two Have Kids?"

"WHEN MY SPERM MEETS HER EGG!"

That was Mike's response when someone asked him when we would have kids. I was floored but just smiled at the same time. They just smiled and walked away Some people just don't get how personal of a question that really is!

Another Baby Shower....yay!

Some people think I'm crazy-but I feel like I'm just being a good friend. Megan is due next month with baby number 1 and she is having a family shower next week and I asked her if she wouldn't mind if I did her friends shower. She of course was very excited about it-but asked if we could wait until after "baby" was born. She's due the end of July-so that gives me plenty of time to plan ahead for a VERY fun shower.

I did one for Danielle in May and it was really a lot of fun. So-why not do another one. I've always thought they were fun to do and a way to get creative with decorations and "baby foods." So we'll see! I've got a month to plan!

Baby blues....

I know...I know...we are supposed to be on a break...but that doesn't mean that I don't get depressed when I think about babies or I hear all about births and adoptions and all of that fun stuff.

One good friend is due any day....which I'm thrilled for her. She's terrified-but excited at the same time. Which and first time mom would be. Another good friend of mine is due next month-so her last month is just preparing for baby to come...and now today at work-I recieved and email from our presidents secretary saying a coworker adopted a beautiful baby girl. I'm thrilled for them-as they have struggled with IF for awhile and had a failed adoption attempt earlier this year. Although we are by no means close friends-I was thrilled for her when I read that email. The joy they must be feeling is I'm sure indescribeable. It makes me excited for the day that Mike and I bring home our baby....whether it be through adoption or from the hospital...I know I will love that baby with all my heart and soul. I just long for that little one so much. I can't wait to meet him or her. I wonder if they will have his eyes?

Medical Records...CHECK

I was thinking this morning about my appt with Dr. Z and realized that I forgot to call my old clinic to have all of my medical records sent over to the new place. So I called this morning and took care of that-hopefully he can get a good look at all of my previous testing before my appt-and who knows maybe it will be something very easily fixable that wasn't picked up on before....one can hope right???

On another note...I talked to "D" today. Hard to believe her due date is already THursday. She said she felt like it was going to be soon. Contractions started in the middle of the night and so has the nausea and vomiting. For her sake I hope its quick. I know she's nervous about it. But I'm going to be in the area on Friday-so I'm hoping I can see a baby while I'm there. Its going to be hard though I think. While I was talking to her I couldn't help but have a wave of envy sweep over me. I started to think about how there lives were going to change dramatically in the next few days. And how much anticipation they have to meet there little girl...and how badly I want that feeling. One day....one day I will have that feeling. Until then-I'll go on being happy for all the expectant moms in my life. It's not a hard job-but its one that has difficult moments. But I know they will be happy for me....so I can do nothing but the same for them.

More prayers

My Best Friend "E's" dad has cancer. Unfortunately its more advanced then they were expecting. He had surgery yesterday to remove all of his lymph nodes. Please continue to keep him and the family in your prayers. They need them!

So excited!!

I've been dabbling into photography more and more. I'm in my opinion by no means good at it. Some of my friends like my work-but I've got a LONG WAY TO GO before I really like my own work-but I'm my own worst critic. But I'm always asking my friends if I can photgraphy there baby or families...I've had a few people ask if I'll do the candid shots for there wedding-to which I reply: "I WOULD LOVE TO!" Well the other night 2 friends of mine asked me if I would photgraphy her kids and nephew next weekend and the other one wanted me to do her pregnancy photos and possibly a birthing session as well!!! I'm so excited!! I would love to be able to do that!!! To share such an emotional beautiful moment with them-and capture it for them the way that they would want it captured-is truly an honor!

Well...I DID IT....FINALLY!

I finally called the clinic yesterday and made an appt with Dr. Z. Unfortunately I can't get into see him until the beginning of July-but I think I'm ok with that....considering I'm a little nervous about the whole thing.

The pain was so awful this weekend that I honestly thought about driving myself to the ER. Eventually after a bit of walking and 2000 mg of ibuprofen it subsided. I was still sore later that night and the next day-but its a bit better now.

I think the thought of potentially getting a diagnosis scares me-but at the same time I would be very relieved. If I found out something is wrong-it will answer so many questions. Because I would rather have a cause for IF-so it could be treated (if it can be) then just unexplained. But I guess we will see. I've waited so long to do it....but when my regular dr. referred me to see a specialist I figured it was time-it just took some time for me to get the guts to call. So I called....and now-I wait.

Ugh...I HATE WAITING! Such is life....