Merry Christmas!!!

OK....so first off....MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! Christmas is truly my most favorite time of year. I love it! However, I will say that this year it has seemed as though Christmas has come and gone and it doesn't seem like I really knew it was here. But it is...and I do really enjoy the Holiday Season. This year however, there has been a damper on the typical Holiday feelings....We are going to a funeral tomorrow for Mike's aunt. She passed away on Monday-and the funeral is tomorrow. With his dad passing away 6 years ago at the same age....it's been a rough week for him. But-he's done his best to put on a happy face for me-although I know he's very very sad on the inside. He was very excited to give me my present this morning.....and after I opened it-I was very glad to have received it. My beautiful diamond necklace-totally made me cry like a baby. It is SO BEAUTIFUL! So while I remember that this holiday season is not about the presents-but more about the love.....I remember over and over again-how much I truly love my husband. He is the most amazing man I know.

Greetings from the Arctic....and other ramblings...

At least thats where it feels like I am...BRRRRR!!!! We got the worst storm in 10 years over the weekend. Complete with 9 inches of snow-40 mile an hour winds and temperatures creeping to -50 with the windchill...BRR!!!! IT IS FREEZING!!! But with that I will say this....

This weekend gave me a perfect opportunity to do some cleaning, baking, wrapping of Christmas presents and spending some time with my husband. It was a good weekend-minus the weather-but everyone loves a good snow storm once in awhile. :)

There really aren't to many exciting things going on in the life of Erin right now. And for a change-I'm TOTALLY OK WITH THAT. I think thats what this "Break" is really about for Mike and I. MANY MANY MANY people have asked us why we don't just "jump right in" to adoption. Yea-if it were really that easy! I'll just start right up....no worries right.??? There isn't any emotional baggage that comes along with it. There isn't the fear of the failed matches that we will more than likely experience, there isn't the fear of how we are going to pay for all of this, I don't have the thoughts of...what if we're lucky and blessed and placed right away-and don't hae anything ready for the baby...and then with the same breath I say to myself what if we are waiting for a year or longer for our little one. YES-with all of those things running through my head-I will just jump right into adoption.

Here is the thing...adoption isn't an easy journey. Now to many people-they would think well duh. Of course its not easy. But to others..they will give you this dumbfounded look like-what? You mean it's not like filling out a few pieces of paper like when you adopt a puppy from the humane society? Seriously! I wish I could scream at the top of my lungs that adoption is a LONG HARD JOURNEY. One that will not come easy to us. But we are willing to walk into this journey hand in hand and God by our sides and no that our baby will be waiting for us at the end of it. So many people say-you can't have a kid-so what..just adopt. Well if it were that easy-why don't you "just adopt." Cause really...everyone would do it if it were that easy. Truth be told adoption is just as much of a rollercoaster as IF is. There will be the ups the down, the "endless 2WW" and the joyous day of find out you have been matched. But until then...please don't tell me to "just adopt."

So yes-this break period before has been really good for us. It's the calm before the storm so to speak. Beacause we know once this all starts....its going to be one heck of a ride! One that will be long, sometimes painful, sometimes frustrating, angering, saddening, and scary. But we know this-and we know that in God's time our little baby will be handed to us in a little pink or blue blanket...and we will love that baby because that baby is ours.

On Days Like Today...

When everyone around me seems to be on a mission of annoying me....there is only one thing that will make me feel better....

Baby Shopping.... :)

Must go....TONIGHT! :)

There is one coworker-seems to be a Pompass A**. I don't get frustrated really easily with coworkers-cause really I do love my job. I'm very lucky to be able to say that-but this guy speaks and I would rather listen to nails on a chalk board. Then my to-do list keeps getting longer....and really I"m just a bit overwhelmed...not to mention when you have pneumonia and you are antibiotics and predisone....I'm just asking for it. Predisone is a killer! It's awful!!! I HATE IT!!!!

Ok...rant over...off to look at baby stuff online....then maybe I'll go buy a little something tonight when I go Christmas shopping.

Thinking about it already makes me feel better....Ahhhh.....

Strength from Above

Days like today-are days that I relish. It's days like today where I look at my future and am so excited about all the things are going to happen. It's days like today where I look at myself and say how blessed I am, and how lucky I am to be where I am in life. It's days like today when I get up in the morning and look at my husband and fall in love with him all over again...and know that I love him more than I did the night before.

How do I get days like today when its seems as though my life has been filled with sadness, anger, frustration, hurt, and cold, harsh comments-things that can totally break a girl down? There is one way and one way only-and that is by knowing that the strength to have these days and to realize that I'm having one of these days is coming from Above. I know in my heart of hearts and I can feel it in my soul that God has given me the strength to get out of bed every morning for the last 4 and half months and say that there are BIG things in my future...and there is a baby out there for me-somewhere.

I feel as though today-is a new day..and the start to a whole new part of my life. I look at our infertility and know that it is something that we HAD to go through. Why...I think it was
for 4 main reasons.

1. To realize that power and will of God, is stronger than anything I could ever have imagined.
2. To realize that God knows what is best for us
3. To know just how much I love my husband and how I truly know now that our marriage can get through ANYTHING
4. That my faith is stronger than I ever imagined it to be.

Of course I could add to that list...but when I think about the things that I have realized since July 20th 2008 when we first got our diagnosis, those 4 things stand out in my mind. I know we will have days that are hard, and that hearing the pregnancy announcements, and seeing all of the babies around us-will be hard at times, and I know that God is allowing me to have those days for a reason. I truly believe that when I hold our baby for the first time-the joy I will have...will make all of that pain seem so minimal. And I will look back on this journey and say-it was worth it-every step, every penny, every tear, every prayer...made it all so worth it.

And I know that there is only one way that I could truly feel this way today...and this is by the strength that I'm receiving from Above. God has truly blessed me in my life...and I know the blessings will continue to fall from Above..becasue there truly is no other place they could come from.

What NOT TO SAY....

To a woman who just found out that she will never be able to have a baby....

"Well pregnancy has a lot of con's....so really-you're not missing out on anything."

Um...coming from someone who has had a baby....I really don't think you can honestly say that I'm not missing out on anything. Seriously! Who says that kind of thing.

Luckily-it was said on a good day....and I just kind of blew it off-but WHO SAYS THAT?!!?!!