A break from everyones pg talk

I've taken a break from it all...I usually log on to the nest or others blogs and lately all it seems like I've been reading is PG news. So I decided I was just going to stop for awhile. Some of them are friends-and its not like I don't care about them-because I do-I really do genuinely care about all of them and there little babies-but lately-its just been kinda hard to stomach.

The weird thing is-I don't miss it at all. :) So maybe thats what I need....a mental break from everyone else being PG but me. :)

No 2008 Baby for Us

Yep...you read that right...AF reared with vegence Monday morning right on time. Although we would have been surprised if I was indeed PG I had so many symptoms that I've never had before that I was truly beginning to wonder if I was....including nausea, tender bb's, exhaustion, and cramping for 1 week leading up to AF. But I'm glad I didn't waste the money on a test....they are pricey anyways...

The thought of not having a 2008 baby I really don't think has sunk in yet-and it probably won't until December 31st. I guess I shouldn't think of this as a year but more of a time frame. But my mind is going in so many different directions right now with work that I don't really know if I've had time to realize that I've even had my period this week.....maybe thats a good thing....

Scared to Test

By Even posting this I'm sure I'm jinkxing myself....but I've had a TON of both PG symptoms and AF symptoms. I've woke up the past 2 mornings very nauseated-and cramping. The cramping isn't to unusual-because at times I do get crampy before AF arrives.

I get nauseated off and on all day.....but I'm at my parents house all weekend and I'm to scared to test. Because if it does come back positive...I don't know if I would want to tell anyone before I went to the dr. Such a dilemma!!

Ugh......waiting for a hopefully non-existant AF sucks!!!

Leaving on a Jet Plane...

OK...maybe not a jet plane-but does my 2005 Ford Escape work? Mike, Daisy and I are headed out of J-Town tomorrow and heading to mom and dad's for a weekend of rest and relaxation and good quality family time. I'm going to see my beautiful nieces and all of my siblings....or at least the ones at home. We are so excited to be getting out of here and keeping our minds off of work, TTC, and just life in general. Although-I'm a little concerned with seeing my nieces. Usually I'm sooooo excited to see them..they are so freaking cute how can't I be..but lately with it being so hard I'm a little worried....but none the less-I'll be surrounded by family-and thats important.

I don't remember the last time we went to mom and dad's for Easter. Usually we go to Mike's moms......so this year-I'll get to partake in the annual Easter Egg coloring.....FUN IS SURELY TO BE HAD BY ALL!! :)

Somedays are Better than others

With so many of my friends pregnant it seems like its all they talk about when ever I talk to them....and its so hard to hear lately. Somedays it really doesn't bother me-others its so hard....Why??

I hear it all from kicks, ultrasounds, what the baby is doing in this trimester....and what they will be doing next week....it's so hard....

I need to ask God for strength and guidance and for him to rid me of this bitterness I've been feeling lately. I don't want to feel bitter-I want to feel happy for them....but instead-I'm angry.

WHY ME!!!

In the past month 3 of my friends and my sister have announce they are pregnant. I just don't understand it...with the exception of 1 of them.....none of them had been trying for more than a few months. I just don't get it.....why not me!!! WHY!!

I was just starting to get out of my "rut" that I've been in for the past few days-and now this.....

SOOO FRUSTRATING!!

Just for fun...

Typical ND Winter....Cold and White

She's a sleepy puppy

My friend and her daughter






Just a tree

LOVING her Bone!!

Sometimes He knows exactly what to say....

I emailed Mike today while I was at work-just apologizing for crying and getting upset...although I don't need to apologize-because he knows exactly how I feel and why I get so frustrated and upset...

He responded and said....with as hectic and as stressful as our lives have been the last 6 weeks or so (meaning me changing jobs-and starting a HUGE project at my new job, him teaching and having a rough caseload, and family issues) I don't think we'd truly be ready for news like that....God is waiting for just the right time to let it happne for us so we can truly enjoy the time and realize what a blessing it is.

Sometimes he knows exactly what to say. Now-regardless of whether or not I find out that I am PG this cycle (my due date would be 12/1-by the way...why I figured that out-who knows) we would be absolutely THRILLED BEYOND BELIEF...maybe he's right...and God is waiting for just the right time to bring us that little bundle. But for now-maybe Daisy will just have to do-and we can spoil her rotten-like we have been. :)

Defeated.....

That's how I'm feeling today...simply defeated. I feel like I will never get pregnant....ever. Honestly-I've thought that all day-just give up...its not going to happen so quit putting so much thought into it.....THAT'S AWFUL!!!

Where is all of this bitterness coming from???!?!! HONESTLY!! Yesterday when "A" told me she was PG.....I was happy on the outside-but on the inside....it was tearing me apart. My heart was taken out of me...stomped on-and thrown back at me. I've broken down a few times today-just cried....why? Yes-I'm in the 2WW but based on previous cycle symptoms I'm not hopefuly-not at all....AND THAT IS NOT ME!! I'm usually hopeful every cycle....why not this one....

I'm just feeling so defeated-so broken....so heartbroken....I will never be a mom-thats how I feel....NEVER!

Another friend PG

I don't know what has come over me the past week......but I'm beginning to get bitter.....

My sister is PG....I think around 9 weeks or so. Now this morning-a good friend of mine told me she's PG. So far up until now-I've always been happy for people when I find out-but the last week its just made me sooooo bitter. WHY ISN"T IT ME!!! DON'T I DESERVE TO BE A MOM TO!!!

I'm happy for them-but sad for me. And I don't know how to handle that. I don't want to be sad for me. I want to be excited about our future together and excited about what our life will be like over the next few years....but on days like today when feel so doubtful about whether or not my future holds a baby-its so hard to be excited.....so so hard.

Holy Stress

Wow!! Thats all I can say! I absolutely love my job! I reallyd do! And I knew all that would come along with it as far as responsibility....the last few days though-its just compiled onto my desk. I've become somewhat overwhelmed by it-but I'm surviving. I have no free time during the day-I definitely have enough to keep me busy...but I guess thats better than being bored. :) I just hope they think I'm doing a good job at what I've done so far. Its stressful beign in your first few weeks at a new place when you think you're doing pretty well-you can just hope everyone else is thinking the same thing.