Breakdown....

The last few weeks have been nothing short of insanely busy-but at the same time insanely boring on the adoption home front.

We are still waiting for an exact due date! I know-crazy isn't it. I at one point but myself into a panic mode and wondered-are we getting scammed? Is this agency for real? Are they just telling us the problem is medicaid and in reality they aren't even trying? Is "E" going to change her mind? It has been emotionally breaking to say the least-and last night-I lost it. I just fell apart and cried in mike's arms...cried and cried and cried myself to sleep. Why does this whole process have to be so difficult? Why is it that something so great has to cause "E" so much pain? Why is it that medicaid can't get their stuff together and get this poor girl into the clinic where she belongs during the 3rd trimester!?!!? AM I ASKING TO MUCH!?!?! I eventually called our social worker here last week and just told her that I was beginning to have doubts and that I think something is going on that she needs to check into it. And she did-right away. She called the agency-not letting them know that I had called voicing concerns-but to get an update on the situation so that she could put it in our file. (yea-I'm sure the social worker at the agency saw right through that one-but I didn't even care!)

Our social worker emailed me the next day calming my fears and making me feel better about the situation. She told me that she honestly feels they are doing what they can-they just weren't as proactive about things from the beginning-therefore dragging this process along a lot longer than it should be. All the while-stressing "E" out about not getting to the dr. and not knowing when baby is coming.

Of course the financial strain of this whole process is a burden as well. It's hard to comprehend the fact that we have to pay so much to adopt-and we have accepted it and are trying to move on...but the realization I think is harder on me than mike because I pay the bills and balance the checkbook every month. I know we will be fine...but I just hate the whole concept of it! But I understand....

Than of course there is the nursery-not even close to finished yet-but that is a story for another day...as of right now...the door is closed-with a stockpile of goodies that have yet to be unpacked, washed-or even put away.

Throw work in, my photography (which I have to admit-is going amazingly well-and I'm blessed beyond comprehension that God has given me this amazing talent), Mike being sick (H1N1 ...NOT FUN-JUST LETTING EVERYONE KNOW!!), trying to book travel plans....trying to start thinking about packing for baby for the trip....SO MUCH!!!!

I should add that some very dear friends threw me a baby shower on Saturday. It was so much fun! And we got some amazing things. We are so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends in our lives!

I'm trying so hard to offer it up to God....and I pray so hard everyday for peace, strength and wisdom.....I know God will provide for our needs-it's just the process is so stressful.