Disconnected...

Disconnected...

That's how I feel the past week or 2 disconnected. From what? Everything. It seems so crazy and unbelievable to me that my life is going to change drastically in the next few months. And not in a small way-in such a HUGE way I will probably forget what its like to not have a little one. (At least thats what I'm told.)

I was watching the news this morning and they interviewed a couple that had their embryo's implanted into another couple. (Horrible horrific story-for all involved.) When the biological mother was talking about how she felt-she said disconnected. And it clicked with me-that's exactly how I feel about this whole situation. As a mother (which I think I kind of am at this point) you want what's best for your child. And as much as I love my little boy already, I feel so disconnected from him. And I hate it. I don't know if I would feel differently if I were closer to BM, and could talk with her more, and if I could feel her tummy and him kicking, and know how she was feeling. Or if I could go with her to her dr. appt's to hear his hertbeat and to see the milestones that he reaches every week. I don't know what would make it better-but I hate feeling like this. I know how I would take care of myself if I were pregnant. Is she doing the same things I am? (There are a few things-I know she's doing differently-but she could be doing MUCH worse-so I try not to dwell on it to much.)

I think another reason-I feel like this is because we have YET to get a definite due date. Her medicaid situation has not been taken care of yet-so because of that-no dr. will see her. ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS!!! Some clerical error is not her fault-and she is getting very frustrated and annoyed by the fact that she hasn't had her 2nd ultrasound to get a definite due date. So when we talk about going to get baby we get frustrated because we don't know when it is going to be. Is it November 10th, or December 2nd. Granted baby is going to come when baby is going to come-but BM has delivered within 3 days of her due date with her other pregnancies-so I'd like to think that we have an OK chance of making it for the delivery if we have a better idea of when that is going to be. So right now our BM is somewhere between 29 and 34 weeks pregnant....how's that for UP IN THE AIR!!

Please don't misunderstand the feeling of disconnected and not loving our little one. Because I do love him. SO MUCH. And I know that no matter how much I can say that now-the amount of love I'm going to have for him in a few months or weeks when he gets here is more than I can ever imagine. But I'm being honest in my feelings today...something that I need to do....after all its all part of this journey.

Sometimes Reality Hits...

And the realization that I'm going to be a mom just overwhelms me to a point of tears. Good tears that is. I feel like we've waited so long for this little boy. And the excitement of expecting him is overwhelming at times.

We talked to our EMom last week...and again-I have to say she is absolutely AMAZING!!! I Love her so much! When I tried to explain to her how grateful we are at the gift she is giving us, she in turn said thank you for giving her the gift of a wonderful home for her little boy. SEE-AMAZING!!! She asked me again if I was going to be in the delivery room with her. Of course I said I was going to and that we are going to do everything in our power to get there in enough time to be there for the delivery. I'm hoping we can fly down a few days before her due date if her dr. thinks she will make it that far. I want to be there for her every second that I can and supporting her in every way that I can. She is so unbelievable that I really can't put into words how great she is.

Her due date has been moved as of now to December 2nd. Which puts her at 28 weeks. WHAT AN AMAZING CHRISTMAS GIFT!!! BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!!! I'm so excited to have a little one to share Christmas with and I can't wait to give Mike a Christmas present from his SON!!! (Whom he is affectionately calling Baby Tiger and Baby Ro).

So instead of reposting baby Ro's development milestones-which I already did 2 posts ago...(please see below) I'm going to leave you with a few pictures of our little man....we got his U/S pictures in the mail on Saturday...and I have to say-I'm truly in Love!